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Blood burning with the bittersweet memory, Hammer disengaged the alarm system and opened the door to the garage. Flipping on the light, he stepped through the portal and closed the door, severing the dreams of love and happiness he’d finally achieved.
Because now he had to throw it all away.
A foreboding chill slid up his spine as he stared at Liam’s SUV. Placing his hands on the hood, he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you’ll never understand and I’m asking the world of you. But you’re the only person I trust to care for Raine and our baby. I know you’ll love, protect, and provide a stable home for them. I love you, man. I’m going to miss you like hell.”
Forcing himself to inch deeper into the garage, he stroked Raine’s sports car. His guts twisted. Anguish, thick and black, layered over him, squeezing the air from his lungs.
As he closed his eyes once again, Raine’s face filled his head. Her blue eyes shimmering with love, understanding, and compassion nearly took him out at the knees. She’d unknowingly been his lifeline for years. She’d given him the willpower to tuck away his guilt and regret so he could attempt to live again. Not for himself but for her. He’d tried to do right by her and give her a safe haven. For the most part, he’d succeeded. But now that act of kindness had come back to destroy him and their dreams.
“I’m sorry to leave you like this, precious,” Hammer murmured softly. “But I love you too much to make you suffer. God knows I’m guilty of a lot of things, and maybe this is simply Karma coming back around to take its due. Don’t ever doubt how much I love you. And while this has to be the end, you’ll be with me forever—in this life and the next.”
A single tear dropped to the hood of her car, the last piece of his physical being he would ever give her.
Hammer raised his head and wiped his cheek, then stared at the items in his hands.
The time had come to decide his own fate, to end this fucking nightmare on his own terms. His passport lay in his left hand, his car keys in his right.
Gazing at the passport, he figured he could fly to Indonesia or Nepal. Neither had extradition treaties with the U.S. He’d change his name and hair color, get lost in a chaotic city like Jakarta or Kathmandu. Neither Wellington nor any other federal asswipe would ever find him. Neither would Liam or Raine.
He would never see them again.
Never hear their greetings, laughter, or moans of ecstasy.
Never smell Liam’s woodsy cologne or Raine’s citrus shampoo and how they mingled together when he held them in his arms.
Never see their smiling faces, the twinkle in their eyes, or watch ecstasy flutter over their faces, wildly loving one another, fiercely and free.
Never see the beautiful child they’d all conceived together.
Hammer would be exiling himself to prison. Though one without bars, it would be a solitary confinement of pure hell just the same.
He swallowed tightly and gazed at his keys. Lifting his head, he stared at his Audi. He could imagine the shimmering chrome and sleek hood crumpled and mangled beyond recognition. Slamming into a bridge abutment at a hundred eighty-five miles an hour guaranteed total destruction, not only of his car but his body as well.
While that death might not be easy, it would be quick. Raine and Liam would at least have a sense of closure since they’d have something to bury.
If he simply disappeared without a trace, they would be left to wonder where he’d gone and if he might someday return.
Either way, Macen knew there was no coming back.
A fact that fucking ripped his heart out.
He told himself they’d grieve, but they would survive. Raine was resilient, and Liam was headstrong. They would lean on each other until time healed the wounds Hammer had gouged into their souls.
Rationally, he knew he had to sacrifice himself to save them. It was the only way he could stop the trial before it began and protect them and their child from a legacy of disgrace.
But the thought of leaving the only two people he’d ever loved crushed him like a wrecking ball. He felt his will start to crumble.
Please, God, give me strength to do this.
He sucked in a ragged breath.
“Passport or keys, fucker?” he whispered to himself. “Which one will be your final declaration of love to them?”
Prying his hands from Raine’s car, Hammer stepped to his Audi. He opened the trunk, and a sad chuckle rolled off his lips. There lay a pair of Raine’s sexy shoes she’d left in his car after dinner one night.
Scooping them up, he clutched them to his chest, then set them on her hood. Loving memories annihilated him, followed closely by an avalanche of guilt.
