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Friday, February 15
At noon the next day, Raine emerged from Hammer’s Audi at the cemetery. Wearing a somber gray suit, Liam opened the door for her and held out his hand. By the time she gathered the flowers she’d brought, placed her fingers in his, and stood, Macen was beside him, locking the sedan with a concerned glance her way. River pulled up in his big black truck and killed the engine. He was slow to emerge.
As they left the parking lot, everything became more real. Her entire body trembled.
“You don’t have to do this today, love,” Liam offered.
Maybe it wasn’t the best timing in the face of everything else going on but… “Yeah, I do. I know you want to protect me. But I owe my mother and sister my love and respect. I’ve waited too long as it is.”
Raine squeezed his hand in unspoken thanks before she released him.
“We understand. We’re here for you,” Macen murmured.
With a grateful smile their way, she gathered herself and walked the rolling hills toward the edge of the park where Hammer and Liam had arranged for her mother and sister to be buried side by side. She needed to thank them for that, too. It had taken weeks for the investigators to find their complete remains and arrange for their transfer into her care. She’d been distraught, racked with morning sickness, nightmares, guilt, and grief. As always, they’d shouldered so much of the burden, sheltering her from the worst of the storm.
Swallowing, she trekked the last steps softly, almost afraid to read the headstones. Seeing her mom’s and sister’s names freshly etched in marble would make everything so much more real. But they had already been gone for years. If she’d felt abandoned by them in life—believing they’d voluntarily left her to escape the hell Bill had wrought—they must have felt she’d utterly forsaken them in death. She’d regret that forever.
Forcing herself to look at their graves, she blinked through tears. No blinking them back anymore.
Her loved ones were here…yet not. They’d never be with her again in this life except in her heart. Maybe if she was lucky she’d see something of them in her coming child. She’d cling to that hope. Somehow, she’d have to make do with that possibility, though it would never be enough.
Her body bucked with sobs that came from nowhere. All she did was cry now, it seemed. Pregnancy had sharpened her emotions, and they bled just under her skin every day. But finding River and laying the other Kendall women to rest with him while dealing with the doubt swirling over Hammer’s head… She just couldn’t hold her mourning in anymore.
She’d barely dragged in another ragged breath when Liam and Hammer flanked her, bracing her, lending their strength. A few feet away, River watched, looking stoic, his eyes almost too blue in his sunken sockets. No missing the guilt tightening his face.
“Precious?”
Hammer wanted to know if she was all right. Honestly, she wasn’t sure. Everything inside her felt confused, brittle, lost.
But she’d come to get closure with the two women who had most impacted her youth. She’d come to give them her love and promise to carry their memories into her future.
She didn’t want to worry Macen even more, so she nodded his way. Then, through her watery vision, she knelt in front of her mother’s grave and placed the flowers in the holder. Liam took the other bouquet from her grip and helped her to her feet again.
As she stared at the gentle mound of earth, Raine stuttered. It wasn’t lively, as her mother had been. It didn’t hold her or laugh or brighten up her world. Her mother had moved on, and Raine wasn’t sure what to do now. How did she say good-bye, wish a peaceful death to the woman who had given her life?
“I miss all the time we didn’t have together. I hate that years separate us like a divide. Wherever you are, I love you.”
A million memories she’d locked away for years rushed back. Mom had always been about doll clothes and dress-up, baking sweets to lift her spirits and pretending to leave home on great adventures. They’d act as if they were traveling to Africa or China or Fiji. Or Paris. Mom had always wanted to go there. Every once in a while, her mother would get a gleam in her eye, hand Raine a suitcase, and tell her to believe the world could take her anywhere. Looking back, those episodes usually happened after she’d heard her parents arguing. Inevitably, her mom would be wearing a lot more makeup than normal over the next few days and walking on eggshells around her dad. But never once had Robin ever pretended that she wouldn’t be taking Raine with her on these faraway escapes.
