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Before I know my own intentions, I’ve started running.
I’m holding the silk skirts of my princess costume in my hands and I’m streaking through the drunken crowd toward the back exit, pushing myself through. I’m going to run until my lungs give out and my legs turn to mush. I need to get as far away as possible, not only from Byron’s hatred of me, but my hatred of myself. It has faded over the last week with him, but it comes roaring back now and it’s a manacle around my throat.
“Jane!”
Byron’s shout behind me only makes me run harder, blindly throwing myself into the street, almost hoping a car will hit me and take me out of my misery. It would be fitting.
That is my last thought as the headlights bear down on me.
Byron
It can’t be happening.
No. No, it’s not happening.
I’ve never been more helpless or terrified in my life as Jane runs into the street, the skirt of her dress flying out behind her on the breeze. Why did it take me so long to get up and chase after her? I know why, but there’s no adequate excuse for letting her run. Letting her get away.
Still…
All this time, I’ve been shaming her for the death of my sister?
Jesus Christ.
In all my speculation over why Jane needs to be punished and insulted during sex, I never could have expected this—and it has ripped the heart straight out of my chest. That I participated. That I allowed it to go on. The amount of remorse she must feel for being even indirectly involved in the death of my sister must be astronomical if she is seeking retribution from me in such a way. A way that demeans the best thing in my life.
How could I?
Why didn’t I try harder to get at the truth?
And now…now she’s going to be taken from me. I can see it happening in slow motion. The SUV skidding and fishtailing on the busy road, Jane stopping in the middle of the street and closing her eyes, not even bothering to brace for impact. As if she wants it, believes she deserves the pain. Oh Jesus, no. Please no. No.
“Jane!” I roar, stumbling and falling to my knees. Watching the vehicle screech toward her fragile body. Toward my princess. And then it stops.
The SUV stops.
A mere inch from her.
Thank God. Oh thank God.
I gulp air into my lungs and they inflate again, allowing me to lunge back to my feet, running as hard as I can in her direction.
She’s alive. She wasn’t hit and she’s alive.
I’m never going to recover and my stomach is still in a puddle on the floor, but my eyes have to be telling the truth, right? She isn’t harmed?
The flustered driver of the car is out of the SUV when I reach Jane, but I wave him off. “I’ve got her.” Jane flinches when I touch her, but I’m not having that reaction. “You’re going to let me hold you as long as I want, goddammit,” I growl through my teeth. “I almost just lost the love of my life.”
She appears to be too stunned to respond and I use that opportunity to scoop her up, cradling her trembling form to my chest and walking us off the road into a grassy area. There, I immediately sit down again with her in my lap, crushing her to me, smelling her, absorbing her, assuring myself she is alive.
“Don’t ever do that again,” I rasp in between kisses of her hairline, her face, her parted mouth. “Please don’t ever do that again. Please. If you’d been killed by that car, I would have thrown myself in front of the next one. Never again, Jane. Say it.”
“I’ll…” Her swallow is audible. “I’ll never do it again.” Tears begin trickling down her cheeks. “But shouldn’t you want me dead? Don’t you hate me? Why don’t you hate me?”
It takes me a moment to respond, the emotion socking me in the chest is so intense. “I could never hate you. Not for a single second. I love you. I love you so much I can’t imagine how I made it through the years before we met. To think you could have died that night, too….” I tilt her face up, looking into her beautiful eyes. “Of course I fell in love with a girl who would change her whole life to honor another’s. Of course I fell in love with a girl who couldn’t help but track a man down, bring light and color back into his life because her heart is so huge and perfect. So full of empathy and compassion. Jane, I love you so much.” My voice shakes. “There is nothing that will ever change that. I’m sorry for what we went through to find each other, but the end result is permanent. You’re mine. You’re always going to be mine.”
