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He interrupts me with another kiss, then swings his legs off the lounger and faces me more directly. “I’m speaking from my heart. Not anything else. I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come into my life. And I want to share this with you. If …” His eyes flood with concern. “I mean, if you want to do it.”
“I do. But only if you’re ready. Completely ready.”
“These eyes don’t lie,” he states, squeezing my hand tighter.
I rise from my seat and pull him to his feet. Our lips connect, and this time, the urgency in his heart is all but subtle. I swear I can feel his pulse on his full, wet lips as we kiss. That invisible sort of fire only true lovers know ignites between our bodies.
I don’t know how it happens, but at once, we’re upstairs, our clothes are on the floor, and I’m staring into his eyes, seeing him past every wall he’s let down, the real Toby, naked in more ways than just his body. I tell him we’ll try whatever he wants, here in the safety of my room. We’ll chase any urge in his heart, and I’ll be there with him every step, showing him how it’s done.
“I want to try being the top,” he states unexpectedly.
I thought he’d want to try bottoming first, but I kiss him, tell him, “My body’s all yours,” then trade positions with him as I lie on the bed. I suspect the condoms in my nightstand are going to deplete as the night goes on and we keep experimenting. After he gets himself ready, wrapped up and (overly) lubed, I guide him as he enters me. He’s eager and pushes in quickly, but I can take it, and his accidental abundance of lube makes it very easy. “You feel so good inside me,” I tell him, partly because it’s true—and likely the biggest understatement I’ve ever made in a bedroom—but also because I want him feeling present in every moment. Toby is so excited to be doing what we’re doing, he barely speaks at first, all of his expression coming out in tiny breaths, sighs of pleasure, and a whispered exclamation of, “God,” or, “Wow,” or some other word that somehow conveys exactly how he feels. It must feel just as incredible for him as it does for me, because he stays inside me for a very long time, gently thrusting. With every push of his hips, I suppress a groan as my own pleasure starts to mount and grow to the point of it being too much to bear. He lays his chest against my back, bringing his lips to the nape of my neck. In nothing but a breath, he tells me he doesn’t want this to ever end. I turn my face as best as I can toward him and assure him I can last as long as he wants, then kiss the fingers of his hand that grip my shoulder.
When we switch, I make sure he’s on his back, because I want him to see my face as I enter him. “I’ve got you,” I keep telling him as his excited yet slightly-freaked-out eyes watch mine, his lips parted as he anticipates the indescribable sensation. I make sure to take it very slow so as to give his body a chance to open up for me. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. There’s a moment when he winces and I stop at once, only to have him snap his eyes to mine and quickly blurt, “No, no, don’t stop, I’m good, I’m great, it feels so … so …” He can’t find the words. I slide in deeper, and a smile spills over his face as his eyes rock back.
I lean down to bring my face to his, cradling his head with my hand as the other one keeps me propped up over him. Our lips connect for a kiss as I gently ease myself more into him. “You’re doing so good,” I murmur to him between kisses. To my face, like a drunk lover, he nearly chuckles as he replies, “This is the best feel, feel … feeling I have … have ever …” He shuts himself up by kissing me with deeper passion, reaching around my back to embrace me and pull me against him tighter, as if already wanting me deeper inside him. Toby has clearly craved this as badly as I have.
I don’t know what hour it is when we finish. Toby and I lie on our sides, bodies covered in the same sweat dampening my sheets. His fingers softly stroke my cheek, dreams swimming in his eyes.
“So what’d you enjoy more?” I ask. “Topping or bottoming?”
He gives me a cute, lopsided smile. “I liked when you … kinda took charge. When you topped me. You made me feel so safe.”
