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Instead, I think of last night—how it made me feel. Being with Bennett like that was more than I could’ve dreamed of. Yeah, it hurt, but it was … I don’t know … right. Like suddenly something in the world aligned and everything was as it should be. I know that sounds as stupid as it gets, but it’s the truth, and it scares me. I know Bennett doesn’t see me as anything special—doesn’t want this to be real, but I want it. I know I can’t tell him that. It’s not part of our agreement and he doesn’t do commitment. I don’t want to scare him away to the point that I don’t have him in my life at all. I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.
I wait until I know for sure that everyone’s fallen asleep. It’s after one in the morning when I finally creep into Grace’s bedroom. It’s pitch black, her blinds and curtains closed, and I can barely see to step across the floor. I bump into her dresser and curse when something rattles.
She stirs beneath her covers and I still. I was going to wake her up but I don’t want to scare her.
She rubs her eyes and sits up. “Bennett? Is that you?” she whispers.
I nod, which is stupid since she can’t see me. “Yeah,” I croak.
She reaches up and flicks her light on. She blinks from the sudden flood of light and rubs her eyes. “What are you doing in here?” she asks.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I walk over to her bed and sit down beside her. The bed dips with my added weight and she rolls a bit toward me. I itch to reach out and touch her. Kiss her. Hold her. But I don’t. I’m so confused about what I want and I don’t want to lead her on. It’s better to act indifferent than to make her think …
Think what, Bennett? That this is real? Because it is.
I push my thoughts away. I don’t want to hear them.
“About what?” she asks, trying not to yawn. There are circles under her eyes; I know she’s exhausted and I should let her sleep, but I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to talk to her.
“I wanted to make sure that you were okay after last night.” I swallow thickly as I think back on those moments. Fuck, I want to do it again, but I doubt Grace wants me the same way. “You were quiet today and I was worried you regretted it. I … I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had done something you weren’t one-hundred percent okay with.” I rub my hands over my face. “I haven’t always been the nice guy, Grace, but that’s how I want you to see me. I want to be good because of you.”
She laughs lightly. “So the bad boy wants the good girl to make him good, and the good girl wants the bad boy to make her bad.” She lifts her fingers and strokes them against my cheek. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”
I lean into her touch. I shouldn’t, but the moment of brief contact feels like a lifeline. “Being bad is overrated,” I tell her.
Her lips quirk up. “So is being good.”
I wet my lips, my eyes flicking over her face. Her hair is a wild mess and her lips are slightly chapped, her cheeks rosy, and her eyes sparkling with amusement. I’ve never felt possessive over a woman before, but this one makes me crazy in ways I never imagined I would feel.
“Maybe there’s a happy medium,” I tell her. “And maybe—” I wrap a piece of her hair around my finger “—we can find it together?”
She’s quiet, and the silence nearly kills me. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, she nods. “Together,” she echoes and I smile.
“You never answered me, though—if you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” she assures me. “Last night was … amazing. I don’t regret it. I couldn’t.”
I breathe out an embarrassingly loud sigh of relief. I had worried all day.
“Good,” I say.
Her lips twitch the smallest bit and she says, “I wouldn’t be opposed to it happening again, either. I mean, if you wanted to.”
I chuckle. “Trust me, I wouldn’t mind.” I wink.
She blushes slightly and lays her head down on the pillows. “Are we good now?”
I nod. “We’re good. I’ll stop worrying so much.”
She smiles. “You better get out of here before we get caught.”
I wince. Her dad finding me in here would definitely not score me any points.
I lean over and kiss her. It’s a simple kiss goodnight, but it makes me realize something.
I’m a fucking liar if I think this is still simply an agreement between us—a deal struck to save my reputation.
This … This is so much more.
