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I took Leah with me to the storage unit I’d had Kyle place my belongings in. I hadn’t wanted to keep my furniture, but I had told him to make sure nothing happened to my paintings. I noticed other boxes stacked in the corner of the unit, stuff he hadn’t bothered to bring to his house.
I started going through the paintings, looking for any I could hang up in the gallery and wanted to sell. There were plenty I knew I would leave here. I didn’t want to get rid of them but I couldn’t have them hanging in my apartment either.
I stopped when I got to one of my paintings of Sutton.
It was like the air had been kicked out of my lungs. I’d known these were here, but I hadn’t thought about what I’d feel when I saw them.
In one word, sadness.
I was sad because when I looked at her I saw our good times and our bad. I saw two broken people who were so desperate to feel alive they clung to anything that made them feel safe. But there was nothing safe about the two of us together. We’d been a fire burning uncontrollably, leaving behind a path of destruction across our hearts. I’d loved her in the only way I knew how at that time, but it had been a poisoned love. I’d never been able to give her everything. I knew we’d both tried and we thought we were better, but we’d only masked the pain like a Band-Aid over a fresh wound.
“Who is she?” Leah asked, stepping up behind me. Her hand lingered on my back as she peered over my shoulder at the painting.
No one would have been the easier answer, but I couldn’t reduce Sutton to that. She was special to me, even if I had said goodbye to her. She’d always have a place in my heart. She helped me get through so much and I’d always be appreciative of that. I hoped one day I’d have the strength to thank her in person, but I needed to get my life on track first.
“She was someone I loved,” I whispered, hoping my words didn’t upset Leah.
“She’s beautiful,” she commented.
“She is. She’s got quite the fiery personality too,” I smiled fondly as I thought of Sutton.
“Do you mind me asking…do you still love her?”
I turned around to find Leah nibbling on her bottom lip and wringing her hands together. She was upset. I didn’t want that, but I had to be honest.
“Yes,” I answered. “I still love her. I’ll always love her. But I’m not in love with her.” I took Leah’s cheek in my hand and rubbed my thumb over her soft skin. “There’s a difference,” I smiled lightly.
“So…” She paused, her eyes darting to the ground. “It’s over between you two?”
I chuckled at that. “I think we were over before we even started. We weren’t good for each other, but it took me being with her to finally accept that I needed help. She gave me the clarity I needed, but we had too many issues to ever make it.”
“Do you miss her?” Leah’s voice cracked with the question.
I thought about that for a moment, not sure of an answer. “I miss what we could have been had circumstances been different. But it’s over now and I’m sure she’s moved on,” I shrugged. “I’m moving on too…I hope,” I looked at Leah meaningfully. I curled my hand around the nape of her neck and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. I felt her relax and all I wanted to do was put her mind at ease. “You’re the one that I want.”
She smiled at my words. “That makes me happy.”
“It does?” I questioned, continuing to stroke her cheek. A huge part of me still worried that even though I was clean I would never be good enough for her.
Leaning close to me she stood on her tiptoes to reach my ear. “You want to know a secret?”
I nodded.
I felt her smile as her lips touched my ear. “I want you too.”
We clashed together, our lips fighting to reach one another’s. She tasted sweet—like sunshine and popsicles on a summer day. I couldn’t get enough. She fisted my shirt in her hands and my fingers tangled in her long hair. We hadn’t gone past kissing, but I felt the desire for more build between us. In the back of my mind I remembered the night at The Cove with her. I’d been so carefree and content then. Everything had come crumbling down around me that night and I had pushed her away, because I was stupid and didn’t know how to cope with grief. I’d been a boy, but now I was a man and I knew exactly what I wanted, and it was Leah.
We bumped into the boxes and canvases went tumbling to the ground as we bumbled through the storage unit. Neither of us seemed to care though.
She wrapped her legs around my waist and I pinned her against one of the walls. My hands were braced beside her head and her hips rolled against mine. I growled low in my throat. She was testing my restraint.
My lips made a path down her neck and her soft pants filled my ears. “Caelan,” she breathed my name before I claimed her mouth once more. My fingers dug into her hips. I was desperate to take her clothes off and sink myself inside her, but I knew I couldn’t.
I forced myself to pull away from her and laid my head in the crook of her neck. I panted heavily as I tried to catch my breath.
“Why’d you stop?” She asked, sounding out of breath too.
