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I don’t want to admit what I have to say, because I don’t want him to think it’s about him, but he’s giving me no choice.
“I want to fall in love.” His eyes darken in color, but I don’t miss the small step he takes away from me. “When I was lying on that floor, wet from my own blood, screams echoing everywhere, I knew I was going to die. The only thing I regretted in those brief moments before I lost consciousness was the fact that I was never going to know real, soul-crushing, forever love. I wasn’t going to walk down the aisle to the man of my dreams. I wasn’t going to hold my child in my arms. I wasn’t going to grow old with someone.” I have to pause and catch my breath, also allowing myself to take a moment to keep the tears at bay. “It was the simple, ordinary things I was going to miss out on that hurt the most. At the end of the day, those things might seem mundane or unnecessary to some, but to me it was all I wanted. So, I guess if I was going to put anything on my bucket list, falling in love would be at the top.”
His stare deepens and I feel it all the way down to the tips of my toes.
A shiver starts at the base of my spine, working its way up my body.
“Are you cold?” He sounds concerned.
I shake my head. “No, not cold.”
The bell rings.
I hate that Godforsaken bell. I want to stay here, in this little cocoon a bit longer.
Lachlan steps around me, back to his desk. “Let me write down my apartment number.” He scrawls a couple numbers down and passes me the blue sticky note. “For the book.” He clears his throat. I feel
like he’s trying to remind me, or perhaps himself, that this isn’t a social call.
“Thanks.”
I take the note from him and grab my backpack.
“I’ll see you after school,” I say, heading for the door.
He doesn’t reply and I don’t look back, because something tells me I don’t want to see the expression on his face.
Chapter Sixteen
I pace the length of Sage’s condo. The blue post-it note is pressed into a crinkled ball in the palm of my right hand.
1206.
Lachlan is a floor above me in 1206. It’s silly for me to be freaking out over this. He’s going to give me a book. That’s it. Nothing more. But my heart doesn’t seem to realize that and keeps leaping every time I think of him.
“This is ridiculous!”
If anyone could see me right now I look like an insane person.
I stomp to the door, closing it roughly behind me. The sound of it echoes down the hall.
I’m starting to sweat and that’s not an attractive look at all.
I push the button for the elevator and cross my arms over my chest. I rock back and forth unsteadily, trying to expunge the adrenaline from my body in some small way.
It’s a book,” I remind myself. You’re picking up a book from him. That’s all.
Stepping into the elevator I continue to give myself an internal pep talk.
When the doors open I walk down the hall to Lachlan’s apartment, pausing outside to take a moment to center myself.
Once I’m confident that I’m as okay as I’m going to get, I raise my fist and knock.
I don’t have to wait long before the door opens and he stands on the other side looking way too hot to be the equivalent of a teacher. He wears a shirt with the sleeves cut off and loose gym shorts. His skin is still slick with sweat, his hair damp with it too.
“Hey,” he grins, my stomach flipping, “come on in, I’ll grab the book.”
He steps aside and waves me in when I keep standing there. The door closes and I stand there looking at what’s basically the twin of my brother’s place, only reversed with the kitchen and bedrooms on my left instead of right.
