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“Guys like me, huh?” His jaw flexed. “Funny,” he descended the remaining few steps and stood in front of me. He stared at me for a moment, anger and sadness stormed in his eyes. “Because somehow, in this situation,” he pointed to him and then me, “it seems like I’m the one that got used. Not you.”
I glanced down at the gum-covered sidewalk. It was much easier to look at it than Trent’s hurt face. I never meant to hurt Trent, but that’s what I was doing. I wanted to keep him safe from the cruel world that I called home. He didn’t deserve to have his view of life tainted.
“I wanted one night. That was it. And I didn’t mean that the way you took it,” I explained with a defeated sigh.
He grabbed my chin and forced my gaze to his.
“Then explain what you meant!” His intense blue eyes held me captive. I swallowed thickly, overwhelmed by his demand.
I swallowed. “Look at you!” My voice rose as my anger increased and tears threatened to leak from eyes. “You’re—ugh—perfect and I’m—” I pointed to my librarian-esque clothes, mousy hair, and glasses, “nobody.”
His jaw clenched as he glared at me. “You’re nobody? For someone that’s so smart, you’re incredibly stupid,” he spat, shoving his fists into his jean pockets. “Whatever,” he shrugged, turning and walking away. He shook his head back and forth, muttering under his breath. I knew he was pissed and a part of me wanted to run after him and tell him everything so he’d understand why we couldn’t be together.
Instead, I let him leave, just like I always did. I watched until he turned the corner and let out a deep breath I’d been holding in. He was gone…for now. But I’d known Trent long enough to know that he wasn’t finished with me. He’d pop up again, and based on this conversation, I’d say sooner rather than later.
A moment later the library doors opened and Tatum came running down the steps with my backpack clenched in her hands. I’d completely forgotten about it.
She stopped, looking quickly left and right for me. When she spotted me, she jogged my way and handed me my backpack.
“Where’s Trenton?” She looked behind me, like maybe he was hiding there.
“He left,” I stared at the last spot I saw him. A motorcycle roared to life somewhere, the only sound in the otherwise quiet town.
“Did he leave…peacefully? Or did you make him leave?” She asked, tilting her head to study me.
I rolled my eyes. “You make me sound like a bitch.”
“When you get around Trent, you sure act like one. Why do you hate him so much?”
“I don’t hate him,” I whispered, watching the little clouds my breath made in the cool air. I wished I hated him. It would make things so much easier.
“Really?” She tilted her head, pushing her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Because you sure act like it. I would kill to have Trenton look at me like he does you. Heck, I’d like for any guy to look at me like that.”
I shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “He doesn’t look at me in any particular way.”
She snorted. “Are you fucking blind? He looks at you like he wants to lick every crevice of your body.”
My eyes widened. “That’s…” I had no words.
She took a step back. “I love you, Rowan. I really do. But sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you at all. You’re so strange sometimes.”
Her words didn’t hurt my feelings. No one knew the real me…not even myself. If I were an outsider observing myself, I’d think I was strange too.
“My mom’s going to be here in a few minutes to pick me up since my car’s still being fixed, so you don’t need to give me a ride,” she backed away further. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I waved weakly, watching as she disappeared inside the doors of the library.
I adjusted my books so I could sling the backpack onto my shoulders and headed to my car.
Normally, after I finished working at the library I stayed past closing time to study. They knew me and didn’t mind me using it, but Trent had messed with my plans. This also meant I hadn’t had a chance to change out of my work clothes. I always changed back into my school clothes once my shift was over, so I’d be more comfortable. I knew my mom wouldn’t have done anything for my siblings. Everything always fell on me. I was like Cinderella, only Prince Charming was never going to put a glass slipper on my foot and take me away to his castle.
I unlocked the door to the old silver Honda Civic. It was a piece of crap, but it ran, so that was good enough for me.
I tossed my bag and books into the back and slid into the driver’s seat. I sat there for a moment, counting my breaths and heartbeats. It calmed me for some reason.
I put my hands on the steering wheel but I didn’t pull away.
I didn’t want to go home…I never did. But that didn’t stop me from doing it anyway. Maybe I could have left…gone away…had a different life. But I wouldn’t leave. I was chained to that house and a life I didn’t want.
