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I flinched at the use of my old family nickname. It didn’t feel right coming from my dad, not anymore—not after all the damage that had been done.
“I used to be naïve,” I countered. “There’s a difference.”
He clucked his tongue. “The older you get, the more you act like your brother. He didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut either.”
“Do not,” I hissed, coming to a stand so fast
that the chair clattered to the floor, “talk about my brother like that.”
He simply tilted his head, studying me. “I don’t think there’s a law against me talking about my own son.”
I lost it.
Slapping my hand sharply against the table, I screamed, “You killed him! It’s your fault! He killed himself because of you! You drove him to madness and now you’re doing it to me too!” I tore at my hair, ripping some strands from my scalp.
“Tate—” Jude started.
My dad came to stand as well, glaring at me across the table. “Tatum,” he growled harshly, “your brother was in a car accident. I had nothing to do with that.”
“Yes, you did!” I screamed and it was so high-pitched sounding that I was surprised the glass in the windows didn’t shatter. “He killed himself because of you.”
Tears ran in a torrent down my face. I wiped them away, but they just kept coming.
“You’re crazy, Tatum,” my dad said in a surprisingly calm tone.
I wasn’t crazy, and I was going to prove it.
I ran from the kitchen and up to my room to retrieve the letter.
Jude was behind me, not daring to let me go on my own.
“Tatum,” he said once we were in my room and I opened the top drawer of my nightstand to grab the letter, “I think you need to grab stuff and let’s get out of here. You can’t stay here.”
“I don’t have a choice,” I whispered.
“There’s always a choice,” he countered.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, clutching the letter against my heart. “Live with you? Become your burden? I refuse to do that,” I shook my head harshly. “I’ll figure it out on my own.”
Jude blocked the door with his body so that I couldn’t leave my room unless I drop kicked him, which I wasn’t opposed to if he didn’t move.
“Tate, you don’t have to always do things on your own. You have people that care about you. I care about you. Why can’t you believe that?”
My chest heaved as I struggled to get enough air. I didn’t know when I’d ever been as mad or upset as I was now. “It’s not about believing it. I know you care about me. I care about you too, but that isn’t always enough. I’m not your responsibility.”
“I want you to be, dammit!” He screamed. “Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn that you can’t see what’s standing right in front of you?!”
“And what’s standing right in front of me, Jude? Enlighten me, please.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“A guy that cares about you,” he pointed to his chest, “so much that it scares him more than anything. A guy that only wants the best for you, no matter what that is. A guy that wants to protect you. A guy that just wants your heart,” he whispered the last part, bowing his head.
“Jude,” I begged, “please, don’t do this. I can’t hear this right now. I just can’t.”
He sighed and stepped away from the door. “I wish you’d stop being afraid of your own feelings,” he groaned. “They’re not going to blow up in your face.”
I started out the door and turned back to face him. “I don’t know that. There’s no guarantee that someone else won’t catch your interest tomorrow and I’ll become a distant memory to you. You told me I had to save myself, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to be a better, stronger person. I’m trying to find me, before I allow myself to depend on someone else,” I waved a hand at him. “Look at my family,” I spread my arms wide, “they’ve done nothing but let me down. I’ve been hurt, deeply. Please,” I begged, “please, don’t be mad at me for this, but I can’t do this right now.”
“It’s not like you’d have to live with me forever,” he whispered, “not if you didn’t want to. It could be a temporary thing until you got your own place, or you could stay if you wanted. It would all be up to you. But you have to get out of this house, Tate. It’s toxic. It’s killing you, can’t you see that?”
