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It was pouring down rain and I was soaked in seconds.
My hair was plastered to my forehead and I could barely see in front of me the rain fell so hard, but I kept walking. The chill of the rain was nothing compared to the internal pain I felt at the moment. In fact, the harsh sting of the water brought clarity to my muddled brain.
I let out a scream when a hand clamped around my arm. Jude turned me around sharply and gripped my arms roughly in his hands. His fingers dug into my skin and he bared his teeth. He was angry. Pissed. Livid. Whatever you wanted to call it. He looked like he was two seconds away from shaking me.
“I fucking love you, Tatum!” He yelled and his words felt like ice on my skin, even colder than the rain.
“Why don’t you try saying that without the fucking in the middle,” I sneered, trying to pull my arms from his grasp but it was futile. He was so much stronger than me and he was determined not to let me go.
He pulled me closer and lowered his forehead to mine. I hated that it felt so good. I wanted to hate everything about him, but I couldn’t.
“I love you,” he said again, his voice low. “I love you. Please,” he swallowed thickly as the rain slicked off his skin beading in his hair and the stubble on his cheeks. He smoothed his hand over my cheek causing me to sigh with pleasure—I couldn’t stop the noise if I tried. His affect on me was too powerful to be ignored. “Don’t do this to us.”
I turned my head away and the tears started anew, but since they mixed with the rain and the sky was black he couldn’t see them.
“I didn’t do this to us. You did,” I choked.
“Did you not hear me, Tate?! I love you! She kissed me! She followed me into my room and kissed me!” His teeth clamped shut and his brows drew together as he willed me to believe him, but I knew what I saw and I couldn’t get that image out of my head.
“I want to believe you,” I whispered, biting my lip as the rain fell harder, “but I saw how you held her…”
“Fuck, Tate!” He shoved his fingers through his wet hair so it stuck up. “That was me trying to push her away! What will it take to make you see that I only want you?!” He spread his arms wide as the rain pelted his body.
I shook my head. “Jude, I…” I looked down, unable to find the words I needed to say. “I can’t do this.”
“What is this?!” He panted, spreading his arms wide. “You can’t let me love you? You can’t be with me? What is it that you can’t fucking do, Tatum?”
“I can’t be this girl!” I cried. “The one that turns into an emotional mess, because of some guy! I need to be stronger than that!” I took several steps back, shivering from the cold and nearly fell over from a dip in the street. I wondered if my neighbors were watching the scene playing out before them in the middle of the road. Between the veil of the rain and night sky, I doubted anyone could even see us.
“What the hell is wrong with being upset? Huh? I’m hurt too, Tate! It tore me apart seeing that look on your face…having you run away from me. But loving you makes me a better person. With you, I’m me.” He beat his fist against his chest, as if trying to drive home the point that his heart belonged to me.
“Stop it, please,” I sobbed. “Just stop.” The rain felt like thousands of nails piercing my skin repeatedly, but the sting was nothing compared to the damage I felt to my heart. The way I felt right now had me convinced that being heartbroken was worse than any kind of physical torture I could ever be subjected to. I knew I never wanted to feel this way again. I’d been right to guard my heart all these years, and it figured that the guy I’d willingly given it to smashed it to bits.
“Why the fuck should I? It’s the truth.” His chest heaved and his wet shirt clung to every muscle. Despite my anger my fingers itched to reach out and touch him, but I couldn’t. I was letting him go. He wasn’t mine anymore.
“I need you to leave.” I stared at my shoes, because I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“No.” He growled and I saw him take a step towards me. “I didn’t fucking kiss her, Tate, and I’m not leaving here until I get you to understand that.”
“Jude, please,” I begged, finally forcing myself to look at him. Rain slid off his face, getting lost in the fabric of his wet t-shirt. “This,” I pointed to him and then myself, “isn’t good for me. You need to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He repeated as he closed the distance between us and took my cheek in one hand, pressing my waist against his with the other. “I love you and you’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
He lowered his head and captured my lips in a searing kiss that I felt all the way down to my toes. I let my fingers tangle in his hair as I kissed him back. The rain mingled with our kiss, clinging to our lips. I kissed him back with everything I had in me. One last time, I told myself.
He growled low in his throat and his hold on me relaxed.
He didn’t know it, but this was me saying goodbye.
I broke away and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and
whisper in his ear, “Goodbye, Jude.”
Before he could react, I took off running for my house.
I slammed the door closed and locked it. My shoes squeaked against the hardwood floors as my back slid down to the floor. My butt hit it roughly and I knew my bottom would hurt later—but everything else hurt, so it didn’t really matter.
I started to cry again and Jude rang the doorbell. When that didn’t work he started smacking his fist against it.
