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“Oh, honey,” Rowan sighed, “love is painful. It tears you apart and puts you back together. It’s not meant to be smooth sailing. Relationships are hard. They take time and effort.”
“But that isn’t the problem,” I sniffled, my eyes stinging with even more tears. “He kissed her.”
“Oh, Tatum,” she sighed heavily and rested her chin on top of my head in a motherly gesture. “Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t need to believe it,” I choked. “I saw it.”
Rowan let out an exasperated breath. “Tatum, I really believe it was a misunderstanding. Jude…the way he looks at you…trust me, he wouldn’t hurt you like this.”
I slid away from her to put some distance between us. “Whose side are you on? His?”
Rowan blew out a breath, her hair swaying around her shoulders as she shook her head. “You’re both my friends, so I’m on both of your sides. Not one or the other. I had no idea what happened when I saw you go running down the street, but then Jude came out…” She bit her lip and her eyes filled with pain as if she was remembering something from her past. “That look on his face, was the look of a man in love and in pain. A man with that look would never try to hurt you on purpose.” Rowan’s face grew shadowed with anger. “Whoever this bitch is that fucked you two up, I want to punch her in the face. Or yank out her weave. Whichever would be more painful.”
My tears stopped, and I laughed. I swore only Rowan could make me laugh in a situation like this when she wasn’t even trying. I knew from her expression that she was dead serious.
“You know,” she leaned her head back against the pillows, “I don’t understand girls who want another girl’s guy. Like, bitch, come on. There’s other fish in the sea. Why do you need this particular fish, you know?” She turned her gaze to me and I laughed again. “It’s so not cool, but you know,” she grew even more serious, “I think girls, or even guys, that pull stunts like that are just really insecure with themselves. Please, Tate, please don’t let some bitch ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Unshed tears shimmered in her eyes. “In all the time we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen you happier than you have been these months you’ve been with Jude.”
“It was only like two months,” I grumbled.
“Love doesn’t have a timeline,” she severed me with a glare. “Love doesn’t wait. When it’s meant to be, then it is.”
“W
ell, if it’s meant to be I guess it’ll work itself out.” I used her words against her.
Her lips thinned. “That doesn’t mean you don’t have to try.”
Luckily I was saved from replying by the doorbell ringing.
At first my heart jolted behind my ribs as a part of me hoped it was Jude, but I quickly realized it was simply the pizza arriving.
Despite my current pissed off state where Jude was concerned, I still yearned to see him. I was pathetic.
Rowan jumped up from the couch, patting my knee as she passed me on her way to the front door. She paid the guy for the pizza and set the box on the coffee table.
Without saying anything to me she disappeared into the kitchen and I heard cabinet doors slam as she searched for whatever she was looking for. She returned a few minutes later with plates and glasses of water.
We ate in silence and watched TV. Well, I didn’t really watch it. I sort of stared at the TV as my mind wandered to thoughts of Jude. How he made me feel, how he could make me laugh, the feel of his fingers on my skin, how it felt when we made love…it was all there on an endless spin cycle in my head. No matter how hard I tried not to think of him, he was always there.
“Will it ever stop hurting?” I asked Rowan eventually.
She turned to me, and set her plate of pizza on her lap. “Honestly?” Her lips turned down in a frown. “When Trent and I were broken up, or whatever you want to call it, after he found out about Tristan…it never stopped hurting until he forgave me and took me back. The pain was suffocating at times. All I wanted was him and I knew he was the only man I’d ever want. I was so scared that I’d completely fucked us up and that we’d never be together…” She trailed off, her eyes sad.
“Is it wrong of me to feel like I need time to think things through?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would’ve done, or how I would’ve felt, if I saw Trenton kissing another girl…or a girl kissing him,” she amended. “Since I haven’t been in that spot, I don’t feel like I can judge or pass an opinion.” She frowned, her nose crinkling with thought. “You have to do what you have to do, but this,” she motioned her hand at me, “isn’t the reaction of someone who can just move on easily. You…you love him.”
“I do,” I agreed, my lip trembling. “I love him so much.” I’d never said the words out loud, but it felt good now that I had. But Rowan wasn’t the one who should’ve heard them. Those words belonged to Jude.
“Then tell him that. Move past this. Don’t let this bitch win. Go get your man back, Tate.”
I shook my head and swiped tears from beneath my eyes. “I can’t. Not yet.” My body trembled with shaky breaths. “I…I need a few days.” I couldn’t forgive and forget so easily. Not while I still felt so hurt—the pain still raw and festering.
“What for?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.
“I don’t know…to make sure I really forgive him, I guess. I can’t expect him to take me back or for us to ever work if I can’t let go of this anger,” I sighed. “I don’t want to think about that kiss every time I look at him. I have to get past it first.”
“I think you’re being stupid,” Rowan spat, her eyes growing angry. “He loves you, you love him. It’s as simple as that. Now, you’re just coming up with excuses to talk yourself out of being with him because love is scary.” She stood up, glaring down at me. I looked away, towards the wall. My shoulders shook with barely contained sobs. “I’ve got news for you, Tatum. Life is scary.”
