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I took a bite of my burger, unable to hold back a moan. I really needed to stop forgetting to eat. It wasn’t healthy.
As I chewed, I watched Jude out of the corner of my eye and noticed him squirming in his seat. “What are you doing?” I asked, and then when he explained I really wished I hadn’t.
“I’m a guy, and when you make noises like that I can’t stop my reaction.”
My eyes flicked down and then away. “Oh,” was all I could say. I could have come back with something rude, but then I would’ve looked like an idiot and I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. Especially since I still had to spend the majority of my evening with him.
Jude parked in the back lot of the nursing home and we finished our meal in silence. He looked longingly at my Oreo McFlurry, and I told him, “You should’ve gotten one.”
“And maybe you should share.” He suggested with a coy smile, like if he flirted with me it would make me willingly give up the most delicious substance on Earth. I was pretty sure ice cream could solve all the worlds’ problems. I always had the freezer stocked with it.
“Come anywhere near my ice cream, Brooks, and I will not hesitate to bite you.”
“Biting makes things interesting,” he smirked.
“Not if I bite your hand off,” I replied easily. “Whatever will you do then?” I eyed the noticeable bulge straining against his jeans.
“Guess you’ll have to help me with that, Tater Tot.”
“I’ll gladly help you to an early grave.” My words shut me up, and Jude too. I wasn’t sure if it was for the same reason though. I thought of Graham. Of that twisted sheet of metal wrapped around a tree. How we had to bury him in a closed casket because there wasn’t much left. I shouldn’t have had to bury my brother at that age. He was far too young with his whole life ahead of him. My parent’s shouldn’t have been around to watch their oldest child lowered into the ground. From the moment Graham died, my life was filled with shouldn’t. I hated that word now. I hated a lot of things. Mostly myself.
“I’m sorry,” Jude whispered. I’m sure he’d guessed where my mind went.
“Don’t fucking apologize when you don’t mean it,” I snapped. My tone was icy calm, but my words were more heated than normal. I didn’t normally get upset over much, but Jude and anything involving Graham always got my temper stirring.
“I do mean it.” His words were almost a plea, trying to get me to believe that he was a good guy. But he wasn’t. He killed my brother and he didn’t even know it.
My anger got the best of me and I threw the half-melted McFlurry at him. Ice cream splattered everywhere. All over him, his clean scrubs, the cab of the truck, and even me.
I got out of the truck slamming the door behind me. I started walking in the opposite direction. I wasn’t sure where I was going. It didn’t matter. I had to get away.
But Jude had other plans.
“Tatum!”
He was right behind me and there was no escape. I whipped around so fast that he stopped in his tracks. I was crying, I felt the tears now, but I hadn’t even known they were there a moment ago. All my anger, all my frustration bubbled out of me. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. That’s what I’d been doing for seven years. I had to crack eventually and now was that moment.
“I hate you!” I screamed at the man in front of me with vanilla ice cream and Oreo’s caked into his hair and scrubs. “I hate you so fucking much that it eats me up inside! I can’t stand to look at you, knowing what you did! That it’s your fault! It’s not fair that you get to parade around like you own the place, fuck every girl you see, and my brother is dead because you couldn’t keep your fucking dick in your pants!” Jude’s mouth formed a perfect O of shock as I yelled at him. “You destroyed my life! You stomped all over it and you didn’t even care!” I couldn’t breathe I was so worked up. I clutched at my chest. Now that I was yelling I couldn’t seem to stop. I needed to get it all out in the open. I was sick of holding everything in and pretending I was okay when I wasn’t. I was always the person plastering on a brave face when inside I was breaking apart. I didn’t care what Jude thought of me, and since he was the source of every ounce of hatred I felt, I guessed it was appropriate that I lost my cool with him. “I lost not only my brother, but my best friend! One day he was there and the next he wasn’t! My mom won’t even look at me anymore! Did you know that?! It’s like I’m a ghost in my own house! My dad’s barely even there! When you killed Graham you killed them too! And you might as well have killed me, because I’ve never been the same!”
“Tate, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice was deceptively calm. I could see the storm brewing in his eyes. He was pissed, but he was trying not to show it. If I wasn’t mistaken there was some fear too. He should be afraid.
“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what you did,” I spat.
“I really don’t.”
I wanted to punch him in the face. Maybe it would knock some sense into him, but probably not.
The fight was leaving my body and I turned to leave once more.
I wanted to forget about Jude, this stupid project, and definitely how nice it had been to be snuggled in his arms.
At sixteen years old I had vowed to hate Jude Brooks for the rest of my life for the damage he’d caused. I was not about to break that promise.
Chapter Five
After I walked away from Jude, Rowan was kind enough to pick me up and drive me back to school to get my car. Then she insisted on following me home and she hadn’t left yet. She sat beside me at the bar that extended from the island in the kitchen. I had a bowl of vanilla ice cream with three Twizzlers in it. After all, I hadn’t really gotten to eat my McFlurry. I propped my head up with one hand and slowly ate the ice cream with the other. Normally, ice cream always made me feel better. Not now though.
“You have to tell me what happened,” Rowan pleaded, looking at me with wide hazel eyes.
