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He let the gate close and I was left standing there in a daze. I wasn’t sure if it was what had transpired between us, or his words that had left me so jumbled. I was going to guess that it was a mix of both.
I turned the water off and tried to smooth my fingers through my sopping hair since it was now a tangled mess.
When I came out of the shower Jude was sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs drinking a beer. There was another one sitting by the other chair, waiting for me. I didn’t drink at all, but right then I felt like I needed five beers to calm my shaking nerves. That boy could wind me up like no other. He knew all the right things to do and say.
I sat down in the empty chair and brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
“I got you a beer.” He nodded at the bottle sitting on the ground.
I gave him a weak smile. “I don’t drink, not after what happened to Graham.” I’d never said the words aloud, but it felt good to tell him. I found that Jude made me want to be honest. I didn’t want to hide myself from him. I wanted to give it all to him.
“Ah, I see,” he nodded in understanding. He brought the beer bottle to his lips, taking a small sip. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but I’m really sorry about your brother.” His eyes sparkled with sincerity. “When you talk about him…I know you loved him a lot.”
My smile cracked and I looked out to the ocean. “Even though he’s been gone a long time, I still love him and miss him,” I admitted, tucking a stray hair behind my ear, and squinting from the sunlight. “Sometimes I wake up and think it was a nightmare, but then I realize it was real and it all comes crashing down on me again.” I found myself opening up to him further, telling him even more things I’d never told another soul. “My mom kind of lost it when Graham died. And when I say lost it, I don’t mean in a violent way.” I sighed. “She retreated into herself. It’s what I wanted to do. Escape,” I said the word softly. “But I couldn’t. I had to carry on and be strong. Since she shut down I had to be the one to keep moving. I had to run the house and keep her fed and my clothes washed. It was all on me. My dad…” I shook my head, laughing humorlessly. “He buried himself in work and Lord knows what else. My mom and I…we ceased to matter to him. He started working later and later, and sometimes he doesn’t even come home at all.” I bit my lip, wondering if I should continue, but then I did, unable to stop myself. “The other day I woke up to the sounds of someone in the kitchen. I thought someone had broken into the house.” I scrubbed a hand over my face and peeked at Jude out of the corner of my eye. He still sat, listening intently. He didn’t look bored or irritated with my tale. “It was my dad. He was home making breakfast. He got mad when I asked him why and we got in a fight. It pissed him off because I was curious as to why he was making breakfast. After him being absent for so long, I thought it was weird. Anyway, I stormed off to my room, and when I came out he was gone.” I felt my lip begin to tremble with the threat of tears. I turned my head to look at Jude. “When I lost my brother I lost my parents too. I even lost my friends because I couldn’t deal. I lost everyone and I’ve been so alone for so long. Having Rowan has made it better, but being with you makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t been in a long time.”
He reached over, wiping away my tears with his thumb. “Thank you.”
“Thank you?” It seemed like such an odd response to everything I’d told him. Granted, it was probably better than him running away like a crazy person. “Why are you thanking me?”
“Because, I know it took a lot of courage for you to share that with me. You’re not an open person, Tate. It’s hard to get to know you. So, thank you.” He wiped the last of my tears away and sat back. “I guess I should tell you something personal now too, huh?”
“Like our question game?” I forced a laugh.
“Sort of,” he shrugged. He finished off his beer, slapping his hands on his thighs as
he looked out at the ocean and away from me. “My mom wasn’t much of a mom. She left when I was fourteen. Kind of messed with my head,” he shrugged, picking up the bottle of beer I had neglected to drink. He tilted his head towards me and smiled slowly. “I guess that’s what sent me into my man-whore ways. Like your dad, mine’s a workaholic. Never home. Never willing to talk when he is. Before my mom left, she was pretty shitty anyway. As you already know, I ended up spending a lot of time at my grandparent’s on the farm. They practically raised me from the time I was five until I started college. They’re the reason I’m not a complete asshole,” he winked at me. “My parent’s never really wanted a kid. If I could have a dollar for every time I was told that I was mistake…” He chuckled but there was no humor in it. He took another gulp of beer, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “They didn’t beat me, so I guess there’s that.” For some reason I flinched and a long buried memory of my dad’s fist connecting with Graham’s cheek entered my mind. “Luckily, I had Pap and Grams. The farm gave me a much-needed peace. I loved it there…I love it there,” he amended. “They helped me to see that even though I had shitty parents, it didn’t mean I was a shitty person.”
I scooted my chair over to his. “Jude?”
“Yeah?” He set the beer aside.
“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
His chuckle was the only answer.
Chapter Seventeen
“This is nice, right?” Trent asked, spreading his arms wide as we walked into the fancy restaurant. Once he and Rowan finally finished their sexcapade they’d been starving.
Now, the four of us stood in the entrance of a very fancy seafood restaurant. So fancy, in fact, that we’d had to dress up. Rowan and I both wore dresses. Trent was in a pair of designer jeans and button down shirt. Jude wore a pair of his favorite tan pants and a blue polo shirt. I wanted to lick him. He wore blue so well. I was close to telling him that he could only wear blue from now on.
“Very nice,” I agreed.
I felt out of my element in a place like this. I could tell Rowan and Jude felt the same way. Trenton, however, was completely at ease. I guess growing up a billionaire will do that to you. Surprisingly though, Trent and his family acted like they were completely normal. It was refreshing.
The hostess returned to her station and Trent spoke with her.
Since it was a chilly evening we couldn’t sit outside. Instead, we were seated in a room with windows all the way around. There was only the one table and I certainly appreciated the privacy it provided, although I was beginning to wonder how much this meal was going to cost.
Trent pulled out a chair for Row. I sat down before Jude could even think of pulling out mine.
“Don’t worry about the price,” Trent spoke up, as if he could hear my internal babbling, “it’s on me.” His words didn’t make me feel better. I didn’t want my best friend’s boyfriend—fiancé—paying for my meal.
“No, don’t do that,” I said quickly, picking up a menu. My eyes bugged out at the prices. Oh, dear lord. I was positive one meal here cost more than my car.
“I insist. I wouldn’t have come here if I wasn’t paying.” He waved his hand dismissively, taking a sip of the ice water a waiter had brought while I was freaking out over the prices.
“Thanks,” I cracked a smile.
