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He looked down at the ground.
“I know. But I won’t share you,” he said softly.
“I don’t expect you too,” I whispered. The words came out scratchy.
“But because I love you as much as I do I’m going to give you some time and space to sort out your feelings,” he said looking at the sky. His fists were clenched and he was taking deep, steadying, breaths.
“Time?” I asked.
“Time to decide whether you want to s
pend the rest of your life with me… or not,” he said meeting my gaze. I thought his silver eyes would sear me to the spot where I knelt. He was angry but more than that he was hurt. I had never seen anyone in my entire life look that heart broken. What had I done?
“Oh,” I said at a loss of words.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to spend the rest of your life with me. I sadly just want you to be happy and if that is with someone else then that’s what I want you to do. I will still love you, of course, but from afar. I promise to let you go if that’s what you want,” he said quietly.
“Jonathon,” I began.
“I know what you are going to say. But I want you to take the time so I may have peace of mind. If you do so choose to spend the rest of your life with me I want to know that you are sure of your decision and didn’t feel forced into anything. I want to know that if you do so choose me that you choose me because you cannot live without me. This is all I ask in return for always loving you.”
I wiped away my tears and nodded.
“Okay. But just know that there is no choice. I will always choose you,” I said. My words were true but had I not just been making out with Isaac? What was wrong with me?
“Shh. You may think that now because of the compromising situation in which I have found you but for my own peace of mind I need you to take some time so that you can be sure of your decision. I never want there to be any doubts in your mind. I don’t want you to go through your life saying to yourself, ‘what if’, I don’t want that for you. I want you to be happy,” said Jonathon and his silver eyes glimmered with sincerity. How quickly he had gone from angry to resigned. I had hurt him beyond words.
“Alright,” I said sniffling.
“Principessa, don’t worry about me. Do what you need to do to be happy,” he said sadly. Do what I needed to be happy? Was he giving me permission not to choose him? To choose Isaac?
I nodded, to choked up to speak.
Only Jonathon could go from calling me a bitch to telling me that he loved me and only wanted me to be happy.
I clutched my hand to my chest. My airway felt constricted and I felt as though if I didn’t hold myself together I would fall to the ground in a jumble of pieces too small to ever be put together again.
He turned his back to me and strolled back through the woods his shoulders tense and his white t-shirt stretched tight to his body and his hands in his pockets. I watched the whiteness of his shirt until it turned into a blur and finally disappeared.
I collapsed onto the ground.
My breath came in short gasps. I clutched my throat trying to force more air through my lungs. I felt like I was dying. I hurt all over. The physical pain I was experiencing was almost as bad as the emotional pain.
“Ky!” Isaac said, sitting down and putting his arms around me.
“Don’t touch me!” I shrieked.
His arms came away from my body so fast that it was as if my words had physically scorched him.
“Ky, I’m sorry.” He whispered softly.
“You’re sorry? Isaac you have nothing to be sorry for. I kissed you. It was my fault. I ruined everything just like I always do. I told you I don’t deserve him. I am such a horrible person! My God, and here you are apologizing to me! You didn’t do anything, Is. I did. I always do!” I screamed at everyone and no one at the same time.
“Kylie, you know that isn’t true,” he whispered.
“Isn’t it?” I choked on my tears.
He said nothing but stared solemnly into the densely thick forest with his knees brought up to his chest and his arms resting on top.
