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“Oh, Jasper,” I breathe, my heart breaking for a million different reasons, but mostly because if his brother hadn’t died I wouldn’t be standing here whole right now.
I sink down beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He turns to me, his own arms twining around my torso. He rests his head on my shoulder and I feel the dampness of his tears on my bare skin.nbsp;
It feels wrong to comfort him right now, like I’m doing something dirty while this lie clings to me like a soiled towel. My fingers dig into his shirt, grasping at the material like it’s a lifeline.
I begin to cry too, but for different reasons.nbsp;
I have to tell him, and when I do, I’m going to lose him.nbsp;
nbsp;
“Today is the day, Willa,” I tell my reflection.nbsp;
My eyes look sad, glazed with the tears that threaten to fall. Taking several deep breaths, I attempt to get myself under control. That day at the cemetery I made up my mind that I’d tell him at the end of the summer—the day of his family’s barbeque. I can’t let this drag out any longer. The truth hangs like a guillotine over my neck, threatening to fall any second and I can’t take the stress and worry any longer.nbsp;
In hindsight, today probably wasn’t the best day to choose to tell him since I’m going to be at his family’s house, but I refuse to talk myself out of it now.nbsp;
This has to end.
Shaking myself free of my thoughts, I finish getting ready. I twist two front pieces of hair into braids and secure them in the back with bobby pins. The rest hangs down in loose waves. For makeup I opt to add a little shimmer to my lids, mascara, and some pink gloss on my lips.nbsp;
I flick off the light and then move to stand in front of my closet, contemplating what to wear.
I hold a couple of options up to my chest, finally settling on a long mustard-yellow dress with a floral design. It’s, once again, a piece of clothing in my closet t
hat is thanks to Meredith.nbsp;
I slip the dress on and assess my appearance in the mirror, deciding it’s perfect.nbsp;
Dropping to my knees, I rifle through my shoes on the floor, locating an old pair of brown sandals that will pair much better with my dress than my normal pair of flip flops or Converse.nbsp;
Slipping the shoes on and buckling them at the ankles, I stand and smooth my hands down the front of the dress.
I feel sick at my stomach, knowing what I have to do.nbsp;
I don’t want Jasper to look at me differently. Like I’m a leech, stealing his brother’s life. Mostly, I don’t want him to hate me, but how can he not? I kept this from him for months while he spoke to me of mourning his brother.nbsp;
Throwing a hand over my mouth, I run to the toilet and heave into it, but nothing comes out.nbsp;
Standing, I straighten my rumpled clothing and take a few deep breaths.nbsp;
I hear my phone chime from my bed and my heart drops.
Jasper is here.
“It’s now or never, Willa.”
I grab my clutch off my dresser and put my phone in it. My sandals clack on the stairs and I call out, “Bye, see you later.”
“Wait, come here a second, Willa,” my mom calls out.nbsp;
I detour into the family room and find my mom and dad on the couch and Harlow lying on the floor on her stomach with Perry curled up beside her.nbsp;
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Your dad and I have a surprise for you when you get home,” my mom says with a smile.nbsp;
“Oh, really?” I ask intrigued. “Do I get a hint?”
