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“No, it’s a casual thing, but I’m sure there will be some…barely dressed women there seeking attention.”
“Oh,” I laughed, “so I’m not an attention seeker?”
“Definitely not,” he replied, leaning in close and nuzzling his face against my neck, “and that’s a good thing.”
I pulled away reluctantly and looked at my phone, sighing. “I’ve got to head to class and I need to call my mom. I’ll see you later.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek, but he moved his head at the last second so my lips collided with his. He deepened the kiss, drawing me close, and I was pretty sure someone whistled in the dining hall.
Breathless, he pulled away. “See you later.”
Damn him. My legs were shaking now and he knew it. I grabbed my bag and tossed my trash. When I reached the door to exit I couldn’t help turning back and peeking at him. Cade watched me with his arm slung over the chair I’d just vacated. He smiled when he caught my gaze and my stomach fluttered.
I finally tore my eyes away from his, knowing my cheeks were now colored a light shade of pink, and pushed the door open.
The air was cold and I immediately zipped up my jacket. I pulled my phone from the pocket and rang my mom.
She answered on the first ring, and that made me feel bad. How often did the woman sit around hoping I’d be a good daughter and call home?
“Rachael? How are you?” She rattled.
“I’m good.” I reached up, catching a strand of hair that wanted to blow into my mouth. “School keeps me busy.”
“Of course,” she agreed. “I’m glad you called. We miss you. I really wish you had come home for Thanksgiving. Surely you’ll be home for Christmas?”
I winced, scrubbing my free hand over my face. “Um, I’m not sure yet, mom. I’ll keep you posted,” I lied.
“Your dad and I were thinking about driving down there one weekend. A few hours in the car won’t kill us and we want to see you. We could stay for a weekend…”
I didn’t know what to say, so I settled on, “Whatever you want.” Before she could continue I interrupted with, “So, I called because…” My throat closed up and I wasn’t sure I could get the next words passed my lips. I’d contemplated this a lot, and I was sure of my decision, but that didn’t make it any easier to confess.
“What is it?” She asked, sounding hesitant. “You’re not pregnant are you?”
I snorted. “No, mom.”
“Sorry,” she laughed. “I had to ask. These things happen, and you’re a good girl, but even good girls do stupid things.”
Yeah, I guessed she was right about that. And I’d already made one stupid decision by looking at that text message instead of driving my car like I was supposed to.
I sighed, knowing I needed to get back to the reason I called in the first place. “I called you because I’ve decided that it’s time I saw a therapist again. I know Dr. Snyder gave you a list of recommendations for people in the area. I was hoping you could email it to me.” Dr. Snyder had been my therapist at home. I’d never thought he did me much good, but I thought it was worth trying again, especially since he’d been so disappointed that I refused to continue treatment with a new doctor when I went to college. He’d said I needed more time to talk to someone and work out my issues. I was thinking he was right.
My mom was quiet on the other end. So quiet that I thought maybe the call had been disconnected.
“Mom?” I asked.
“Sorry,” she replied, “you surprised me.”
It was pretty sad that the fact that I wanted to see a therapist again surprised my mom. Had she come to the conclusion that I’d always be fucked up? Had my own mom given up on me?
“I think it’s great that you’re ready to talk to someone again,” she continued. “How about I call the people he recommended and see if I can find a good fit for you? I know you’re busy with class and I’d like to do something for you.”
I reached the building where my class was located and leaned against the stone exterior. Nova passed me and smiled, throwing up her hand in acknowledgement before disappearing into the building.
“That would be great mom,” I told her. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, Rachael.” She began to sniffle, the sound of my mom’s tears breaking my heart. “I just want to see you happy again.”
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It was all too easy to get caught up in the hell I’d been living in, and forget that the people around me were suffering too.
“I love you, mom,” I finally said.
