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I lean my head to the side and look back at him. “Laughing at me, Kincaid?”
His lips quirk into a crooked smile. “I’d never laugh at you, Kincaid.”
I can almost feel the blood draining from my face as my eyes widen.
Somehow in all the madness I forgot I wasn’t a Montgomery anymore. I mean, technically I still am since I haven’t had it changed, but …
“Stop freaking out.” He kisses the end of my nose. “You think too much.”
“True,” I concede, and wiggle, the movement splashing more water on the floor that we’ll have to clean up later. I take a deep breath and say, “I might be scared, but I’m in. I’m going to give us a serious shot.”
His smile blinds me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile this big, and that’s saying something because Xander is a guy that smiles—he’s not one of those broody types that glares at you for no apparent reason.
He touches my cheek with a feather-light caress of his fingers, like he’s afraid his touch will send me running. “You’ll see,” he whispers into the darkened room, the shadows from the candle flame flickering over his face. “You’ll see how good we are together. I’ll show you.” He presses his lips to my cheek in the same spot his fingers were only moments before.
My heart beats faster with fear? Excitement? Maybe a mixture of both.
He must take my silence for another one of my freak-outs because he adds, “I’ll still give you an out—the three months will still be our … trial period.” He chuckles. “But we’re in this together. No half-assing it.”
I nod. “I still don’t want to tell anyone,” I whisper.
He stiffens but nods. “That’s probably best. We won’t have to worry about someone’s opinion interfering that way.”
I notice the way he says someone and not anyone but choose not to comment on it.
“So—” I laugh lightly “—we’re back to where we started then?”
He laughs too and nips my earlobe. “Nah, not exactly, because this time, you’re actually in too. I knew you were only trying to humor me before.”
I bite my lip. “I was that obvious?”
He shrugs and the water ripples. “Yeah.” He grins.
“You really have faith in us, don’t you?” I ask softly.
“I do,” he says vehemently with a nod and then rests his chin on top of my head.
I close my eyes and a smile touches my lips. My mind is still warring with my heart, but for the moment, I’m content to just let us be.
I wake up to Xander in my bed—we fell asleep watching Charmed and stuffing our faces with Chinese food and not the pizza I’d planned to order. His chest rises and falls with each soft breath and his eyes roam behind his closed lids with the promise of sweet dreams.
I feel better after our talk last night, and I think we’re finally on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, this whole marriage thing still scares me, but I don’t feel so confused as to where we stand. I know everything that was said last night is basically what we’d already agreed to, but it felt different—it felt real. Before, I had been too freaked out to think clearly and had agreed without a clear mind, but now that I’ve had time to think, I want to give this a real shot—make the most of the situation, so to speak. I’m still not sure that staying married is the best thing for us. I mean, I can’t even commit to a major, so what’s the likelihood that I can commit to a marriage? I’m pretty clueless when it comes t
o what I want from life.
I ease from the bed so I don’t disturb him and pad across the room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I brush my hair and pull it back into a sloppy ponytail. Since Xander made breakfast yesterday, today’s my turn.
The house is quiet when I leave my room, and I close the door behind me so there’s no chance of Rae or Cade seeing Xander in my bed.
I know Cade sounds like the biggest jerk of a brother, but he’s not. He’s one of the best, he’s just protective of me—he always has been, and I think that stems from what a nasty asshole my father is. He hits Cade. He always has, and I’m sure he’ll continue to do so until Cade actually stands up to him. Cade doesn’t know that I know—I found out by accident once when I came home early from a friend’s house and saw my dad punch him in the face. I know Cade keeps quiet about it in some convoluted way to keep my mom and me safe and happy, but he shouldn’t protect that monster. I think our mom knows too—she’d have to, or at least she suspects—but I know she’s afraid of our dad; most people are. You’d think my dad would stop walloping on him now that Cade’s a man, but I don’t think it has stopped. I haven’t actually seen him hit him again since that one time I saw by accident when I was in high school, but I’ve seen the bruises—bruises that definitely couldn’t have come from football, so I don’t believe for a second that it was a one-time thing.
What sucks the most about no one knowing that I know is that I have to play the part of the loving daughter who adores her father when I can’t even stand the sight of him. All I hope is that one day it’ll all be over and I won’t have to play pretend anymore.
I dismiss the less than pleasant thoughts from my mind and tread softly on the steps so as not to wake anyone.
I flick on lights as I go, illuminating the house, and enter the kitchen.
