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Thea frowns, tears pooling in her eyes. Xander wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders.
“That’s so sad,” she says, dabbing at her eyes. “I can’t imagine.”
“It sucks,” I say.
Those two words hardly sum up the gist of what I feel, but it works.
“If you picked the couple don’t you know their name?” Rae asks.
I shake my head, my lips thinning. “No names are exchanged. They didn’t know mine and I didn’t know theirs. I picked them based on what was in their bio and since I liked them the adoption agency arranged for us to meet. They were from out of state, but I didn’t even know what state they were from. They keep it all very private to protect both parties.”
Rae nods sadly. “I understand.”
“There’s nothing you can do?” Thea presses. “Can’t you reverse it and say you changed your mind and want an open adoption? That’s your son.”
I shrug helplessly. I feel like all I’m doing is shrugging and shaking my head but it’s the only thing applicable.
“I’m sure you can, but it’d cost a lot in legal fees. I don’t have money for that.”
“But he’s with a good family, right?” Xander asks.
“Yeah,” Thea pipes in. “Tell us about them.”
I sigh. I practically have their bio memorized. I used to read it every night before I went to bed, my hand lovingly grazing my round belly. “The wife is a former professional ballet dancer, now working as an elementary teacher. At the time, she was still teaching ballet once a week. The husband was a mechanic and they met when his wife came into the shop one day. She taught him how to dance, and he used to think he had no rhythm but he found he just needed the right partner. They’d been married for five years and together for eight. It said they’d started trying to have kids two years into their marriage but found out after a year of trying that she couldn’t have kids. So, they decided to adopt. They’d already been on the waiting list for two years, and had one adoption fall through. I figured if I couldn’t take care of my baby, then they’d be a good fit. They were normal, sweet people, who wanted a baby more than anything. I gave them that.” I wipe my tears away, cursing myself for crying yet again.
It’s practically Christmas, I shouldn’t be bawling every minute.
I’m surprised to find both the girls crying too, and Xander and Cade both have a slightly glazed look to their eyes.
Jace rubs soothing circles on my back and lowers his head, his lips grazing my ear. “I love you. You’re the strongest person I know.”
I warm at his words and smile up at him. “I love you too.”
“Am I the only one that finds that weird?” Cade asks.
“Yes,” Thea replies, and throws a pillow at him. He catches it easily. “Ignore Cade,” Thea tells us. “He thinks only he’s allowed to be in love.”
“Ha, ha, ha,” he fake laughs. “You’re so funny.”
“It’s true.” She sticks her tongue out at him.
Sometimes watching Cade and Thea bicker made me long for a sibling of my own, but realistically I know it’s probably good my parents started and stopped with me. They weren’t very good at parenting me, strict and controlling. It was more than parents dealing with an unruly kid, because I was never bad, but they made me feel that way.
Yeah, yeah, I got pregnant, but it wasn’t like I was drinking or doing drugs or at parties every night like some kids.
My parents were the kind of strict where I couldn’t have a cellphone, had to be home by eight, and where the dumbest things set them off.
My mom used to get mad if I left clothes on the floor in the morning—and when I say mad, I mean the kind of mad where she’d yell and scream and throw things.
My dad was even worse.
He was always watching every little thing I did, looking for fault in it. From the way I held a fork to how loud I closed a door.
It was like I couldn’t breathe in my own house.
“Are you okay?” Jace asks, rubbing the back of my neck.
He’s so incredibly in tune with me that it’s strange at times.
