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I close my eyes. Jace has me. He always has.
I nod. He turns the computer around to face me and another sob breaks free of my chest.
“He has freckles,” I blurt, shocked. I didn’t expect the freckles. “Oh, my God.” I struggle to get enough air into my lungs. I peer at the image on the screen of the little boy, of my son.
Four years of dreaming about what he looks like and I finally know.
He’s more perfect than I ever imagined.
“He has my nose too.” I point to his slightly upturned nose. There are pieces of Owen in him too, from his mop of dark hair to the shape of his face. “He even has my eyes.” I move my finger to point to his round, chocolate colored eyes. “He’s … Wow.”
“I know.” Jace squeezes my hand.
“He’s the most perfect little boy I’ve ever seen.”
“You know what I can’t believe?” Jace starts and waits for me to nod for him to continue. “The fact that you gave up your baby for a
doption, to a family that you didn’t even know where they lived, and a couple of years later you moved from Texas for college, and ended up forty minutes from where your son ended up. That’s just … insane. It’s like you were drawn to him.”
“Yeah, it’s like I was … That’s crazy.” I shake my head. The screen starts to darken and my fingers dart out, swiping over the mouse pad to light it up again. “Do you think they’ll ever let me see him?”
“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “Do you want to message her?”
I bite my lip. “I’m scared.”
“I’m right here.”
“What do I say?” Now that the opportunity is here I feel clueless. I don’t want to do this wrong.
“Speak from the heart,” he tells me.
I take the computer from him switch to my account before messaging Sarah.
Dear Sarah,
You have every right to exit out of this message and pretend it doesn’t exist. In fact, I wouldn’t blame you if you do that.
I’m Novalee Clarke and four years ago, I was a scared fifteen-year-old kid, and I gave you your son—he’s a beautiful little boy, by the way.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and if I’m honest with you a closed adoption wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be able to be a part of his life, even if I couldn’t be his mom, but there were other people in my life who didn’t think that was the best thing for them.
I know you don’t owe me anything.
I know you can block me, and pretend I don’t exist.
I expect that.
I understand that YOU are his mother now. I understand that he might not even know he’s adopted. That’s okay. I just want to see him. Even if you don’t let me meet him, if I could just see him, it would mean the world to me. You have no idea.
Nova
I click send on the message, squeaking as I do.
I close his laptop and Jace wraps his arms around me. “You did it,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb against my arm to soothe me.
“I did it.”
“I’m so proud of you.” He presses his lips to my forehead.
