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“Are you okay?” Cade asks, and I realize I’ve grown morose with my thoughts about my dad.
“Yeah, fine.”
I feel the weight of Nova’s eyes on me, and when I glance over, I see the worry in them before she looks away hastily.
“I hear you finally settled on a major,” I speak to Thea, hoping to steer the conversation away from myself.
Thea’s smiling at Xander, and she glances down the table at me. “Yeah, I’m going to do something in social work. I want to help kids and women who have been affected by abuse.”
I wrap my fingers around my beer bottle. “I think you’ll be great at that.”
I honestly do too. Thea has the kind of personality that you can’t help but instantly like her. She’s bubbly and excitable, but she’s also warm and caring.
“Thanks.” She flips her light-brown hair over her shoulder. “It feels good to finally know what I want to do and be sure of it. I’ve been in limbo too long.” She smiles up Xander. “It’s like everything has finally fallen into place.”
I look at Nova again—at the vibrant blue hair, her pale skin and freckles, her upturned nose and full lips, and I think about how everyone else’s life is falling into place and mine is all over the place. It’s like there are a million puzzle pieces in front of me, and I can just make out the picture—it’s fuzzy, but it’s there, but there are also pieces missing and those gaps are where the problems lie.
The waiter comes back to take our orders, and with so many of us, I swear it takes an entire year before we’re done.
Nova strikes up conversation with Sullivan again, and I groan. I don’t mean to do it, but that doesn’t stop it. Her eyes dart to mine along with Rae and Cade’s.
“Stubbed my toe,” I mutter to cover myself.
None of them are buying it, though, and I don’t blame them.
I look across the table, over Cade’s shoulder, at the water in the canal. I hope the slow, hypnotic, lap of the water will calm me.
It doesn’t.
I’ve never felt so miserable in my life and the fact that it’s over a girl because I’m jealous makes it even worse.
Jealousy is a ridiculous emotion. It robs you of common sense.
I rub my sweaty palms on the knees of my pants.
I hate that I’m this torn up. I want to be unaffected and aloof, but I’m anything but.
This dinner can’t end soon enough.
After a few more minutes, I stand with a mumbled excuse that I’m going to the bathroom.
Once there I stare at my reflection the mirror.
I look like I’m calm, cool, and collected, but my eyes betray the battle raging inside.
I’m a mess.
I wash my hands and splash my face. I place my hand on either side of the sink on the marble top and lean forward, breathing out.
Get it together, Jace. You’ve never acted like this before. Now doesn’t have to be any different. She’s just a girl.
The problem is she not just a girl. She’s Nova.
I shake my head and dry my hands. I leave the bathroom, strolling slowly through the restaurant and back onto the deck.
I drop into my seat, bumping Nova in the process and she glares at me. I revel in her anger, though, because at least it’s mine. I like knowing I make her feel something, because it means I’m not alone.
“So, you’re in college with Thea?” Sullivan asks her, and I bristle.
