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My jaw drops. “Five?”
“Yeah, there would be more but I haven’t finished them.”
I think I might pass out. “Do you write a lot of songs about girls?”
He smirks. “Jealous?”
“No.” I snort. “Just curious.”
He shakes his head. “No, you’re the only one.”
And there goes my heart pitter-pattering.
I pour our hot chocolate into mugs, add whipped cream, and sprinkle the mini marshmallows on top. I carry the mugs over to the couch and sit down beside him, tucking my legs under me.
He takes his mug and sets it on the table beside the couch. He strums the guitar once and the note hangs in the air.
“The song I played tonight is called ‘Supernova’.”
“’Supernova’,” I repeat. “I love that.”
“Good.” He grins back. “Now be quiet and listen.”
I laugh and wiggle around, getting comfortable.
He closes his eyes and begins to play.
Again, just like in the restaurant, time seems to stand still. All the air is sucked from the room, and I feel the emotion of the song so deeply it hits me straight in my soul.
“I can see her sadness in the dark, and I can hear her demons calling my name.
I can hear her cries from miles away, and I can see her frown when no one is watching.” He opens his eyes and his gaze lights a fire inside me. I feel like I’m burning from the inside out. “She thinks she's got it all figured out, but she’s putting on that damn mask again. Oh, she's a Supernova, Supernova, she's a Supernova, Supernova. It's what she is.”
He tilts his head back, strumming the guitar strings and feeling the song.
“And I watch as she changes her hair, trying to hide from herself. Oh, little does she know, I'm running from myself too.”
That line hits me like a ton of bricks. It doesn’t seem real that he’s noticed that about me. For a long time, I didn’t even understand my desire to change my hair color.
“And I can see her hiding from the world. And I know she's got some pain, that I can't take way, take away. She’s trying to tell me she's got it all figured out. But I know, oh I know, that no Supernova does. And I watch as she changes her hair. And I watch as she slips a word, that says she's not okay. Beautiful, she's a Supernova, Supernova, Supernova. It's what she is.”
He leans his guitar against the coffee table and reaches for me, swiping his large thumbs over my cheeks. “Don’t cry,” he pleads. “I don’t want to make you sad.”
“I don’t know if sad is exactly what I’m feeling at the moment,” I admit, wishing I wasn’t crying. I feel pathetic and stupid with my cheeks drenched in wetness. “It was beautiful. Amazing. I think I’m most blown away by how much of me you see. Things I don’t mean for you to know.”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal.
I move closer to him and he reaches for me, pulling me against him. We end up lying on the couch, with me on top of his chest.
I lay with my ear against his heart and the steady thump-thump-thumping soothes my frazzled nerves. My tears seep into his shirt but he doesn’t say anything. He rubs a hand soothingly against my back, his fingers creeping under my shirt.
I close my eyes, exhaling a shaky breath.
It’s in this moment that I realize I’m dangerously close to falling in love with Jace and that terrifies me. Love has only ended in disaster and heartbreak of the worst kind for me. It’s a pain I’m not sure I can survive again.
But I’m helpless to stop this feeling, and I must hope that if I fall, I learn to fly.
Nova
