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You’re never far from me. You live inside my heart and you’ll be there forever.
I promise you.
Love Mommy
I close the notebook, fighting back tears. I stare at the words, tracing my fingers over them. It feels good to get them out, like I can breathe a little easier.
It doesn’t heal all of the pain, but my heart doesn’t quite throb as much, so that counts for something.
A tear falls onto the closed notebook. As quickly as the one falls a torrent is coming. My cheeks become soaked with my tears and my whole body quakes with the force of my sobs. They’re the kind of sobs that make you wonder how your entire body doesn’t fall apart. I let the tears fall, each one cleansing my soul a little more.
I sit there for minutes, or maybe it’s hours, before they finally stop.
I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands, but I still feel the dampness on my cheeks and beneath my eyes.
I take a shuddering breath and hiccup.
I’m a mess.
My whole life’s a mess, if I’m honest.
I sit there a few minutes longer before I pick up my phone.
I go to my text messages and click on Jace’s name.
I stare for a moment, contemplating what I want to say.
I’m sorry.
I’m a horrible person.
I miss you.
I love you.
Nothing seems good enough.
I start typing anyway.
Nova: I miss you. I stare at the words, my finger hovering over the send button.
I wait and wait, but I can’t bring myself to send it.
I backspace slowly, watching every single letter disappear. I shut my phone down and put it away so I won’t be tempted to try again.
I close my eyes, tilting my face toward the canopy of trees above me.
In a city surrounded by millions, I’ve never felt more alone.
Jace
I stare at my phone at those three taunting bubbles that say Nova’s typing something.
They linger and I hold my breath, but then they’re gone.
I blink, thinking I imagined it. I wait, hoping they’re going to come back but they don’t.
I throw my phone across the room. Where it lands I don’t know and don’t care.
