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‘You’re pregnant!’
Ronan’s obvious amazement pushed a small, shaken laugh from Lily’s lips.
‘I could hardly deny it, could I?’
Her hands smoothed the soft jersey material over the small bump that was just beginning to show.
But when she looked into Ronan’s face she was shocked to see the fury that blazed in the depths of his eyes, hardening his features until they looked as if they were carved from granite. Had she misjudged everything? Had she got it all wrong—terribly wrong?
‘Were you ever going to tell me?’ Ronan demanded, his voice as cold and harsh as his expression as he got to his feet in a rush.
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ Lily returned shakily.
She wished he hadn’t stood up. Standing so close to her like this, he seemed to tower over her, his height and strength ominously threatening for all that he hadn’t touched her. She felt as if the ground was crumbling away beneath her feet, not knowing whether his anger was because she hadn’t told him or because she was pregnant with a child he didn’t want.
‘It took you long enough!’
‘I was—’
‘You were…? Lily…?’ Ronan pressed ruthlessly when she couldn’t bring herself to finish. ‘You were what?’
‘I was scared!’ Pushed over the edge of her control, she flung the word into his face in a mixture of fear and defiance.
‘Scared!’ he echoed on a note of disbelief. ‘Scared of what? That I’d want you to have an abortion? Oh, Lily…’
Abruptly his mood changed, the tension that had held his strong body taut easing, as did the hard lines into which his expression was set.
‘You couldn’t be more wrong,’ he said, so softly that Lily could only stare in confusion and disbelief. ‘But you must see that this changes everything. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to tell your boyfriend that he’s going to have to find someone else. There’s no way I’ll agree to a divorce now. I—’
‘There isn’t any boyfriend!’ Lily broke in desperately. ‘And how many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t come here for a divorce?’
‘You didn’t?’ She had his full attention now. ‘Then why…?’
Lily had used up all her strength and she sat down rather suddenly, her legs refusing to support her any more. This was it. The next few minutes would decide her future one way or another, make it heaven or hell, depending on the way Ronan reacted to what she had to say.
‘Lily!’ Ronan came down beside her on the settee. ‘Answer the question!’
‘You’ve been doing all the asking so far,’ Lily managed unevenly, searching for encouragement, for something on which to pin her hopes in his face.
She didn’t know if the flames in the dark pools of his eyes were what she was looking for, only that she couldn’t go back now. She had come too far for that. It was time to risk everything on one last throw of the dice.
‘It’s time you answered a few questions instead. And you can start with telling me why you helped Davey.’
‘You’ve seen him?’ It was quick, sharp, and, she was surprised to discover, strangely defensive.
‘I’ve seen him. And I know what you did for him—what you’re still doing. But what I want to know, Ronan, is why.’
‘He didn’t give Rosalie that tablet.’ His response was a low growl, and he avoided her searching gaze, staring down at where the burning coals had scarred the carpet.
‘I know that now. But what surprises me is the fact that you even gave him a chance to explain, and that you believed him when he did. I thought you’d have been more likely to kill him on sight.’
Hot colour washed over Ronan’s carved cheekbones as he shook his head fervently.
‘The foul way I behaved towards you—the appalling effect it had—cured me of the need for vengeance. I realised it solved nothing, served no purpose at all. It only piled pain on pain and destroyed me as I hurt you.’
Lily’s heart leapt at his words, the low-toned voice in which they were spoken seeming to confirm her hope that something good might come of this after all. But still she had to be sure.
‘So why…?’
‘Why did I help your brother?’
Ronan sighed deeply, long fingers tapping restlessly on the arm of the settee. Or was it nerves that created that jittery movement? Lily found it impossible to judge his mood.
‘For his sake. Once you’d told me the story of the way your parents died I knew I could never look at Davey in the same way again. I actually found myself feeling sympathy for him, and when he came to see me, to tell me the truth about what had happened, I saw not the wild, irresponsible thug I’d believed him to be but the real Davey, behind all the bravado, the loss of control. I saw the little boy lost who had been so afraid he might have been responsible for what happened to his mother and father. Who was so scarred by it that he took the blame for Rosalie’s death too, even though he wasn’t directly involved. That’s one hell of a burden for a kid to carry through life.’
The restless movement of his fingers stopped as Ronan drew in another deep, uneven breath.
‘I did it for Rosalie too. She really cared for Davey, after all, and the only thing I could do for her was to make sure he was OK. And, yes, I did it for myself—because after the mess I made of everything else I wanted to put something back, something positive.’
For Davey. For Rosalie. Even for Ronan himself, Lily thought despondently. But had he done any of it for her?
‘So I didn’t come into it at all,’ she said, her voice low and sad.
Ronan’s dark head came up sharply, blue-grey eyes blazing into her shadowed amber ones.
‘Come into it! Lily, you were all of it! You were the only reason for everything. The driving force behind anything I did. I did it all because of you—for you.’
‘I…’
But she couldn’t speak. It was unbelievable, impossible. Too much to take in all at once. Ronan reached out and took her hands in his.
‘I felt so guilty about the appalling way I treated you. I was so cruel, so selfish, so stupidly eaten up by the need I thought I had for vengeance.’
‘You were hurting so badly,’ Lily put in, unable to bear the anguished self-reproach in his voice. Ronan’s vehement shake of his head denied her attempt to justify his actions.
‘That’s no excuse. In spite of everything that had happened, what I did was wrong, and two wrongs don’t make a right. You were innocent and I hurt you terribly. I behaved like a brute. I treated you in a way no human being should ever treat another, let alone—’
He caught himself up sharply, cutting off the end of the sentence, and when he continued it was on a different topic entirely.
‘There’s something I want you to know. I never meant to make love to you—ever. I fully intended to leave that first night, to go without consummating the marriage so that you could dissolve it easily.’
His smile was wry, self-deprecatory.
‘I was going to tell you when we’d eaten, but during that meal you started feeding me and I couldn’t stop myself…’
The strong body was shaken by a shudder of sensual remembrance.
‘I was lost then, but I couldn’t see it. But I never meant things to go that far, and once they had it all became so much more complicated than I had ever imagined. I’m not surprised you hate me so.’
‘I don’t hate you.’ It was soft but confidently spoken.
‘But you must.’ Ronan looked stunned, his eyes deeply shadowed with confusion. ‘I hate myself. I can never forgive all that I…’
‘But I can,’ Lily put in quietly.
It stopped him dead, his head going back sharply. He looked deep into her eyes, his own dark and bruised, revealing a vulnerability that stabbed straight to her heart.
‘You…’
‘I can forgive everything you’ve done.’
‘But how?’
‘I understand why you behaved as you did. You were hurting and you were lost and confused. And when you love someone it’s easy to forgive.’
‘Love?’
It was a raw croak, the lack of his normally ruthless control revealing the true depths of his feelings.
‘You can’t love me! And yet you braved the fire…’ he went on, almost to himself, his voice filled with a kind of awe. ‘If you knew how I felt when I woke up and saw you. Knowing how terrified of flames you are…’
Lily’s smile was wide, gentle, radiant with everything that was in her heart.
‘I didn’t think about the fire because you were in danger and—because I love you. Oh, Ronan, I do! That’s why I’m here. To tell you that I love you and that I want us to start again. I want our marriage to be a real one, our child to have…’
‘But you said you hated me!’
‘Oh, Ronan!’
Torn between laughter and tears, Lily could only shake her head in dismissal of her own foolish words.
‘You don’t have the monopoly on saying stupid, hurtful things to hide the pain you’re feeling inside. I only said that to conceal how much I really care for you, just as I only let you go because I thought it was one thing I could do for you. Your family had been hurt so much…’
