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By being the man she had fallen in love with.
She had been deluding herself to think that she could ever go through with the arranged marriage that had been set up for her. She had been sleepwalking towards a fate that she had no idea how it really was, how it would really feel. She had never really known what feelings were possible in a female heart, just what was possible between a man and a woman. What being in love truly meant and how shockingly powerful the feelings could be.
‘Something had happened. And I couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t.’
Something as earth-shattering, as elementally powerful as a volcano exploding and spewing red-hot lava into the atmosphere. It had changed her for ever and she had known that there was no hiding it, no pretending from here on in.
‘I told him that I was no longer the woman he thought I was—that I could never be the wife he wanted.’
She tried for a raw, jerky laugh of irony, only to find that it cracked and broke in the middle.
‘It turned out that I wasn’t the wife he wanted at all, anyway. He was only too grateful to me because he had been looking for an excuse not to go ahead with our marriage—but to marry Shamila instead. Apparently she’s already pregnant with his child.’
The deep sigh that Karim drew in lifted her head but then she let it drop again. She knew that the only way she could know what he was thinking was to look into his eyes and try to read what was going on there. But she still didn’t have the courage to do that.
‘You could have been a queen.’ His voice was rough and ragged. ‘You turned down a kingdom—for what?’
For love.
But she didn’t dare to say it.
‘I didn’t want it. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a queen.’
‘I would be proud to have you as my queen.’
Clemmie felt as if her head was about to explode. Had he really said...?
But Karim was moving, lifting her from her position against his chest, turning her so that from not daring to look into his eyes, she now couldn’t look anywhere else at all.
‘Why didn’t you come to me?’
Oh, she’d thought about it. But she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do it. If she and Karim were to have any future then he had to come to her of his own free will. Because he wanted to. Her heart wedged up high in her throat at the thought that he had done just that. But was there more than wanting behind his appearance here?
‘Because you would have felt honour-bound to marry me, knowing that my reputation was ruined.’
She was right about that, Karim’s slow nod acknowledged silently.
‘Is that how you wanted it?’ she asked sharply. ‘That I would come running to you?’
‘You told me that you loved me. Was that not true?’
Clemmie pulled away from him, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself, needing it like a suit of armour to hold her together when she feared she might start to crumble from the inside. Defiantly she lifted her chin, held her jaw as tight as she could.
‘I told you that I loved you but you said nothing in return. Except to hold on tight to your honour. Was I supposed to take what little you had to offer—take this—?’
A wild wave of her hand indicated the tumbled blankets, the crumpled cushions where the scent of their mingled bodies still lingered. The gesture threatened her grip on the concealing blanket but she suddenly found she didn’t care.
‘And not ask for more because I loved you.’
‘Loved?’ Karim questioned and Clemmie didn’t know how to answer him. She didn’t even know how the question was being asked. Was it possible that he believed her love had not been as strong as she had declared it to be?
‘Less than one week, Clemmie—is that all the time your love lasted?’
He almost sounded as if he was teasing her. And yet there was a rawness to his voice, a searching look in those deep dark eyes, that caught her up sharp and left her wondering...
‘It was more than you gave me. More than you have for me...’
He closed his eyes for a moment as he shook his head and when he opened them again she felt the look he gave her go straight as an arrow to her heart.
‘No, Clemmie. It wasn’t like that. I didn’t know what was happening to me. That night—that first night we spent here—you got under my skin and I’ve never been able to free myself from you. That night was the closest thing to crazy I have ever been, and I haven’t felt in control of anything since. I had made a vow to my country—to my father—and I had to keep it. I had to walk away. By doing that, I kept my honour, but I lost you.’
Lost. It was such a small word but such a strong, emotive one, a world wrapped up in just four letters.
‘And then I heard that you had defied Nabil—that you’d told him there was someone else. I could only pray it could be me. I had to come—to see if you still felt the way you had then.’
I have travelled halfway across the world for this. I have no intention of giving up now.
But he still hadn’t said what this was.
‘You came for someone who has lost her reputation?’ Her voice wobbled dangerously on the words. ‘What will that do for your so important honour?’
Karim’s shake of his head was a violent rejection of her bitter question, the flash of rejection that accompanied it.
‘I don’t care about honour any more when I’m with you.’
‘And you expect me to believe you?’
Once more those black eyes dropped to the tangled bed, then came back over her half-covered body, up to her face, warm as a caress.
‘So what was that just now? And all the night long...?’
‘That—that was just sex.’
‘Just sex?’
Karim’s voice had dropped an octave, deep and disturbingly sincere as he took her hand.
‘For me, that will never be just anything. Not with you. And isn’t there a line in the wedding service—with my body I thee worship. What is worship if not honour? I want to honour you—to worship you with my body for the rest of my life if you will let me.’
He lifted the hand he held to his mouth, turned it so that he could press a kiss against her palm. The gentleness of the caress tore at her heart and she knew that this was what she wanted for the rest of her life too.
‘Clemmie...’ Over her hand, Karim looked deep into her eyes. ‘Will you let me? Will you marry me?’
She didn’t want to ask the question but it had to be said. If he didn’t answer it with the words she needed then how could she marry him, no matter how much she loved him? She had only just escaped from the prospect of one loveless marriage, so how could she ever tie herself down in another one?
‘As...as a matter of honour?’
She’d thought—hoped—prayed that he would say no but instead he inclined his head in a slow, thoughtful nod.
‘Yes, as a matter of honour...but not in the way you mean it.’
‘What other way is there? Your honour demands that we should marry and so...’
And so she could never agree. Because she wanted more—needed so much more. But deep inside there was a weakness, a shadow on her heart that urged her to say yes.
‘Not my honour.’ Karim’s tone was deep and dark, huskily intent. ‘My honour no longer matters in this. What matters is the honour that you would do me if you agreed to be my bride. I can think of no other woman I could ever want as much. No other woman I could ever love as much.’
Love. That small, softly spoken word caught on her nerves and hung there, making her head reel. Could she really believe—had he actually said...?
‘Love?’
‘Yes, love,’ he assured her. ‘I love you and I have done almost from the moment that we met. I knew it when you climbed out of that window and went to Harry—and, in spite of everything my training had taught me, I waited. I waited for you to come back as you’d promised you would. I knew you would—I wanted you to come back. I wanted you.’
It was a low caressing whisper, sincerity in every word he spoke.
‘I wanted you more than any woman I had ever met—but it was more than that. I wanted you to be free to be the woman you really were. We were trapped in a situation that we couldn’t control. Your father’s scheming, those political treaties, my family’s debt of honour had us trapped. I couldn’t set us free—you were the only one who could do that when you told Nabil the truth.’
Reaching out, he touched her face, cupping her cheek softly in the palm of his hand, so that she could feel the faint tremor in his fingers that told her just how much he meant this.
‘Clementina, you are my love, my honour. You are all I want out of life. All I need. But without you I am nothing. I love you and I want to do so till the end of my days. So please, tell me that your love is still there. Please say that you will marry me and make the rest of my life complete.’
And there was only one possible way she could answer that. Leaning her head to one side, she pressed her cheek against his hand and smiled deep into his eyes.
