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Up ahead is the gazebo. Not seeing Rella over the short wall, I look at Trouble. “Isn’t she supposed to be here already? You told her to meet us here at two, right?”
He glances down at his watch, frowning. “Yeah. I left her a note on her bed. She should have seen it when her and Mom got back from the store.”
As we get closer, a weighted feeling begins to grow in my chest. Something isn’t right. Something is off. Rella is always at the gazebo when we plan to meet there. She’s never not shown up.
We’re about twenty feet away when I see her shoes just inside the opening of the gazebo. My heart knocks around in my chest, and we all take off running. As I stumble to a halt just outside the opening, shock, pain, and horror freeze the blood in my veins. I swear my heart just stops and turns dormant.
Lying in the center of the gazebo, her white dress with little purple flowers soaking up the blood that’s pouring from her wrists, is Rella.
“Rella?” Trouble croaks, the first to come out of shock. He leaps the two steps and falls to his knees beside her, almost sliding in the blood. God, there’s so much blood. Every part of her exposed skin is pale, like a ghost might look.
JW and Judge follow behind him, one going to the other side of her and one dropping to his knees at her head. My legs feel like jelly as I slowly walk up the steps, my eyes fixed on the knife in Rella’s loose grip.
“Oh, God, Rella,” Trouble cries, looking up and down her body. “What did you do?”
He brushes a few hairs back from her face. Tears slide down his cheeks and drop on the front of her dress. He falls to his butt, picks her head up, and lays it gently on his lap.
“No, no, no. God, please no,” he cries over and over again.
I stop just as the tips of my shoes touch the edge of the blood. I can’t breathe. My chest feels too tight, like there’s a huge rock sitting on it. I can feel my heart thumping, but it’s beating too fast and too hard. Pain like I’ve never felt before stabs inside my sternum. I fall to my knees because my legs are too weak to hold me up anymore.
This is my fault. It’s because of me and what my father forces me to do to her every Hell Night. It’s the pain she’s forced to endure by my body. My father may be the enforcer, but it’s me who hurts her. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t stop him.
A slow burn works its way up my throat. My eyes sting and my nose tingles. I don’t realize I’m crying until tears hit my clenched hands. Looking down, I watch as more splash into the blood I’m kneeling in.
Someone yells, but it sounds like it’s coming from miles away. I ignore them.
I lift my head, my eyes landing on Rella’s outstretched hand. It looks like she’s reaching out to me. I know she’s not, but I still lift my own hand anyway. Leaning forward, I try to reach her. My fingertips barely graze hers when I’m suddenly yanked away. I jerk at the arm around my waist, but it only causes the person to tighten their grip.
“Come on, Aziah. You don’t need to see this,” the person who’s holding me says. I recognize the voice, but my mind is so consumed with getting back to Rella that I don’t have time to put a name to it. There are other people yanking my brothers away. Trouble’s tortured yells can probably be heard for miles.
“Lemme go!” I scream, shoving at the arm and twisting my body. No matter what I do, I stay trapped in the person’s arms. I can’t get free. I scream and yell until my voice turns hoarse and I can’t anymore.
The further away I’m dragged away from Rella, the deader I feel inside.
MY FATHER GRABS MY ARM and tries to get me to sit beside him at the back of the church. I kill him with my eyes and yank free of him. He lets me go without saying a word, but I know it’s not the end of it. I’ve learned the hard way not to defy my father. I’ll suffer later for my disobedience. I don’t care. I’ll suffer it for a thousand years, because he’s not taking this away from me.
I make my way closer to the front and sit beside Trouble. I can feel my father’s heated stare on the back of my head. Mae and Dale are on the other side of Trouble, silently crying. His and Rella’s parents are in the pew in front of us. It makes me sick when I hear their mom sniffling. I want to use the same knife Rella used to slice her wrists and cut every inch of their parents’ skin. Their parents are the reason we’re here today, burying one of my best friends. Moms are supposed to protect their children, not hand them over to the devil. Almost every adult in here has taken part in destroying a kid’s life.
Judge and JW come to sit beside me, their expressions tortured. They loved Rella just as much as Trouble and me.
Mae’s holding one of Trouble’s hands, so I reach over and grab his other one. A moment later, I feel my other hand grabbed, and I look over at Judge. His jaw is tight as he stares forward. Looking past him, I notice he’s also holding JW’s hand.
I look to the front of the church at the casket. Trouble and Rella’s parents decided to leave the casket closed, claiming it would make it easier to say goodbye if we weren’t able to see her. It’s stupid, because there’s nothing that will make it easier to say goodbye.
Pastor Parish walks up to the podium, his steps slow and his expression grave, as if he’s grieving as well. It’s all bullshit. He’s part of the sickness in this town as well.
I don’t listen to a word he says as he begins to talk about life and death. I keep my eyes locked on the big picture of Rella sitting on a stand beside her casket. She’s smiling and looks happy, but we all know she wasn’t. None of us kids are. We may be able to forget sometimes, but we’re always reminded of it over and over again.
My chest feels hollow, and I wish I was in that box with Rella. There’s been so many times I’ve wanted to just let everything go and end it all. Rella and my brothers have been the only thing to keep me from doing it. Now I have something else to live for.
I’ll live for revenge. I’ll live to torture every single person who’s ever touched a child in this town. I won’t rest until they’re all gone.
And when I get to my father, I’ll make sure he suffers the most.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
EMO
