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Lying on the couch with my Kindle in my hand and Juice curled asleep on my stomach, I hold my breath when I hear the door open. I haven’t talked to Wes all day, which isn’t normal for us. We usually message each other on and off just to check in. I keep my eyes focused on the words of the book I’m currently in the middle of reading, even though I’m not seeing them, as his presence fills the room.
“We need to talk.”
At those three words, my insides tighten to the point of pain, and I drop my Kindle to my thigh, attempting to focus on his expression and not how handsome he is with a few days of stubble, wearing a tight, white shirt, and jeans that fit him perfectly.
“I talked to a friend of mine today.” He prowls toward me then sits on the edge of the coffee table, and I notice a stack of papers in his hand. “I love you. You know that, right?” he asks.
I nod, unsure where this conversation is going.
“I’m done, baby, done losing you a little each month, done with the pain and heartache.” He looks away, and my heart breaks a little more. “As long as I have you, I don’t care about anything else. I wish it was that simple for you, but I know it’s not.” He looks at me, and even though he’s better at hiding his pain, I still see it. And recognizing it, I feel guilty I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings that I haven’t thought about how this is affecting him. “These—” He holds up the papers in his hand. “—are the application for an adoption agency. I want us to fill them out and get the ball rolling on the process.” He holds them out, and I take them then rest them against my chest. “I can’t spend the rest of my life seeing you in pain, baby, and it’s up to me to do whatever I have to do to make you happy. So I hope— No, I pray you’ll find it in you to help me fill those out so we can start to move forward again.”
He gets up then leans over me, cupping my cheek. “I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world, and your happiness is what matters to me,” he murmurs, and then he touches his lips to my forehead, lets me go, and leaves the room. With tears filling my eyes, I hold the papers up before me, but I can’t make out anything through the tears blurring my vision.
Adoption. I drop the papers to my chest, wondering if it’s time to start wishing on a new star.
4
Wes
“Okay.”
I turn my head to watch my wife walk toward me and wonder for the millionth time how the fuck I got so goddamn lucky. I don’t deserve her; I’ve never deserved her love, her unwavering loyalty, or the beauty she brings into my life every day. But somehow, I’ve been given the gift of her, and not a day goes by in which I don’t pray I never lose her. That said, I feel like I’ve been slowly losing her for months now.
“Okay?” I raise one brow, urging her to continue.
“I’ll fill them out. Or we’ll fill them out together. It’s time I stop hoping for what may never be and focus on what I really want. I want to be a mom. I want you to be a dad. I want a family with you.”
“Baby.” My chest aches. I hate that she’s hurting, been hurting with something that is out of my control.
“I know this hasn’t been easy on you. I know each negative test and each and every month that goes by that we don’t get what we want has affected you as much as it has me. I’m upset with myself for not seeing that.”
“Baby.” I start to tell her that it’s okay, but she touches a finger to my lips stopping me.
“I love you, and I want you to be happy too, and I know part
of your happiness is you making me happy. So I agree it’s time. It’s time for us to move on. Time for us to start our family.”
I study her, unsure if she’s really ready for this. “Are you sure, baby?”
“Yes. I’m ready.”
Thank fuck. I took a shot in the dark bringing her the adoption application. I wasn’t sure where her head was at on the matter, but after listening to her cry most of the night, I was sure I fucked up. Still I wasn’t lying. I can’t watch her slip through my fingers.
“Come here, baby.” I hold out my arms, and she comes toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “I love you.”
She tips her head back and rests her chin against my chest. “I know, and I love you too. I’m sorry for not being better about showing you how much.”
“You show me every day, baby.” I slide my hand up her back and curve my fingers around her neck. “I know how stressed you’ve been, and I understand why, but you gotta know I’m so fucking proud of you for being so strong.”
“I haven’t been strong.” She drops her head forward and I lose her eyes.
“You say that, but you haven’t given up. You’ve never even mentioned giving up, no matter how hard this has been on you.” I force her to look at me and see her eyes have started to fill with tears.
“I’ve wanted to.” Her eyes close. “I’ve wanted to give up a million times.”
“But you never did.” I dip my head down and touch my lips to hers. “You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, and I love knowing our kids will be able to witness your strength and determination. You’re going to be an amazing mom.”
She pulls in a shaky breath then moves her hands up to rest them against my chest. “Are you sure about adopting?”
