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The murmurings and moans coming from our friends suddenly stop, but I pay them no mind. My attention is solely focused on my dipshit of a friend. His glare is glacial, but it doesn’t scare me.
After shooting daggers at each other for several seconds, his gaze softens. His hand lets up on the pressure he has on mine, but he doesn’t totally release me. Instead, he steps closer until he’s towering over me.
“Abby, I know you’re hurting,” he says low enough for only me to hear. “Please, let me take you home. You don’t need to be here. We can wait for Colt at your house.”
My eyes sting at the softness of his tone and the concern in his eyes. I know when I hurt, he hurts as well. That’s just the type of friendship we have. He hates seeing this side of me, the side I can’t control. The side that makes me one fucked-up person. The side that won’t allow me to be a normal person that has normal relationships.
Deciding to give in, because I really don’t want to be here anymore, I give him a silent nod. Pulling my hand from Nathan’s, I walk over to Ava and give her a hug.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m sorry for bailing on you on your birthday.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing. I won’t be left alone.” Her gaze goes to Gary, before coming back to me, a pinch now between her brows. “You just take care of yourself. And call me tomorrow.”
I try to smile, I really do, but it falls flat. “Will do.”
I look over to Tegan, who now has the girl standing between his legs instead of sprawled across his lap. He’s not looking at me, but at Nathan.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he tells him from across the table.
Nathan doesn’t give him a response, just a grunt.
The look Tegan gives me both grates on my nerves and has tears pushing forward again. These three people are my best friends in the entire world. They love me unconditionally, and know the struggle I’ve had for years now. They know my secrets of wanting a normal relationship with a normal guy, and they know I never thought I could have one. They also now know why I can’t have one. Tonight just proves I’ve been right all along.
Tegan gives me a knowing look and a chin lift, before pulling the girl back into his arms. I grab my purse from Nathan and lead him out the door. I have to walk slowly because the cramps are really starting to get to me. I have sweat rolling down my temples, and I’m becoming dizzy from the pain. Right before I make it to the door, I stumble over my high shoes. Had it not been for Nathan behind me, I would have done a face-plant.
Although he is my friend, and has seen me in this condition before, I still feel mortification when Nathan picks me up and carries me out the door. I settle in his arms, burying my face in his neck, and grit my teeth with each step he takes. My skin feels hypersensitive. The sensations rolling through my body want me to like being in Nathan’s arms. It wants me to purr like a cat and seduce the man into giving it what it needs, but my mind and heart says his arms just don’t feel right. My mind and heart are screaming that he’s the wrong man, and demanding I get away from him.
“We’re almost to the truck,” he murmurs.
A moment later, after he manages to get the door open with me still in his arms, he gently puts me down and buckles my belt. I stare ahead as he does so, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces at knowing what all this means. I was so naïve to think I could have something as normal as a steady boyfriend. To actually let myself fall in love with a guy.
I lay my head against the window as he maneuvers the truck out of the parking lot, the cool glass doing nothing for my heated skin.
“I’m not going to ask you to sleep with me,” I tell Nathan.
It takes him a minute before he replies. “I know.”
I know that things between me and Blue are over. There’s no way we can continue with what we have. Obviously, something is keeping him from calling me. I know he himself has to be worrying, wondering if I’m at this very moment sleeping with someone else. It’s not fair to me either, going through this pain to keep from doing something that would give me the relief I so desperately need. We can trust each other all we want, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be secretly wondering. It’s not healthy for either of us.
Even though I know all this, in my mind, we’re already over, but I refuse to sleep with another man until I’ve talked with Blue. I won’t sleep with someone else until he knows himself that we can’t be together. In such a short period of time, I’ve fallen in love, and I won’t hurt the man I love like that. It’s going to kill me to watch him walk away, but there’s no other alternative. He’ll fight me, but he’ll see in the end it has to be this way.
The rest of the ride to my apartment is made in silence. With the pain gripping me, both physically and emotionally, I have no desire to talk. I thank God that Nathan heeds my silent wishes and keeps quiet. I need this time to myself right now, to come to grips with my decision. I can’t imagine going back to my life before Blue, but it’s something I’ll have to do.
Nathan pulls into my normal parking spot, one that’s close to my building, and cuts the engine. I have my door open and am just about to step out of the truck when Nathan appears at my side, once again picking me up.
“I can walk,” I protest.
“And I can carry you.”
Too tired and sick, I don’t fight him on it. Once again, my body relishes the feel of his arms around me, preparing itself for the feeling of being fulfilled, and at the same time, my mind and heart rebel.
We’re standing in front of my door when Nathan grunts. “Keys.”
It takes me a few tries before I can concentrate enough to locate them. Instead of handing them over, I reach over and try to slip the key in the door. My hand shakes so badly that I miss several times, but I finally manage.
Nathan doesn’t stop until we’re in my bathroom. He sets me on the counter and turns to the shower. I lace my fingers together and put them between my knees, trying to get them to stop shaking. Nausea rolls in my stomach, and I try to force it back down, but I know it’s coming up any minute. I watch with chattering teeth as Nathan turns on the shower and checks the water before turning back to me.
“Come on. Let’s get you cooled off.” His voice is rough and deep with emotion.
