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With my heart leaping in my throat, and my body ready to sing for him, I hiss, “What in the hell are you doing here?”
He doesn’t answer right away. His eyes run all over my face, as his fingers on my waist rub circles over my hip bone. It’s not helping my resolve to be angry at him, and I have to concentrate really hard to not launch myself at him. I should probably scoot away from him… maybe to the very edge of the bed, but I can’t force myself to move. My mind and heart play war with each other. I’ve missed him so much, much more than I thought until right this very minute. Seeing him right now, I can’t understand how I’ve gone ten days without him. I feel like I should be scratching my skin and pulling my hair out, because I know without a doubt that I’m addicted to him, and not in just a sexual sense, but in every sense possible for a person to be attracted to someone. I may go through withdrawals from sex, but I’m also going through Colt withdrawals.
Shit! Fuck my life. I am so royally screwed.
“I’ve been here every night since the night you ended things.” He says this quietly, while still keeping his watchful eyes on me, gauging my reaction.
At first, I think he’s fucking with me. There’s no way he’s been here every night. I would have known. But his expression says he’s dead serious.
“What do you mean, you’ve been here every night? You couldn’t have. Nathan’s been here. He would have told…” My eyes grow wide when realization dawns. Nathan’s been acting weird lately. Way too calm. He’s tried getting me out of the house a few times, but he hasn’t pushed me. And I have to admit, I was surprised he hadn’t tried to talk himself into my bed when he knew what I was going through.
The fucking traitor bastard! How could he let Colt in here and not tell me?
“Did you really think I would let you go through this alone?” he asks, his grip on my hip tightening.
I push back from him until several feet separate us.
“I wasn’t alone. I had Nathan.”
Something flashes in his eyes, anger maybe? Jealousy? He wipes the look away seconds later, not giving me enough time to analyze it.
“And drugs.”
I grimace as shame heats my face. I look down, my eyes landing on the deep lines of his chest, but for the first time, it doesn’t heat my body. Instead, all I can think about is how far down the hole I’ve gone.
He reaches over and lifts my chin, his eyes now holding understanding.
“I had no choice,” I tell him, trying to put strength in my voice that I don’t feel. Colt always breaks down my walls and makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. He doesn’t let me hide behind my tough exterior.
“You could have come to me.”
I let the sadness show on my face as I shake my head. “No, Colt, I couldn’t have. I’ve told you, we would never work out. A life with me would only make you miserable. There will always be doubt in your mind, and I’ll always struggle with wondering if one day I’ll be weak enough to give in.”
It hurts to tell him that, when I want nothing more than to give into what my heart is begging me to do. I can’t imagine a life without him, but I also can’t imagine a life with him.
He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. The kiss he lays there warms my body like nothing has before. It also makes my heart hurt to the point where I’m almost clutching my chest.
“Why didn’t you go out with your friends to Blackie’s the last couple weeks?” he asks, after taking my hand from his lips and lacing our fingers together.
He can’t be so naïve to not know the answer, but I still answer him truthfully. “Because the thought of someone else touching me makes me sick.”
He smiles his gorgeous smile. “And why didn’t you ask Nathan to help you when he has so much in the past?”
“Because even his touch is revolting to me.”
His smile grows bigger.
“Don’t you see, Abby? You’d rather suffer through your pain than let another man touch you. You say I would doubt you, but I have absolutely no doubt that you would never let another man touch you. I have complete faith in you, and you need to have more faith in yourself.”
“But I had the drugs…”
“As much as I hate knowing you had to take them, they were there for the reason you did take them. Your doctor prescribed them to help with the cravings and that’s what you did.” He scoots closer to me. “I am so sorry I wasn’t here on time. As much as I want to, I know I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I can promise that we’ll get through the next time together. I love you, Abby, and I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything else. Even just the thought of not having you in my life has my soul wanting to shrivel up and die.”
The earnestness in his voice, and the look of pure devotion and love on his face has me feeling weightless, like the stone encasing my heart has broken and crumbled to dust, and then immediat
ely fills with so much love, I have no idea what to do with it all.
Even still, I hold back from falling into his arms. I’ve went so long without feeling this deep kind of love that it’s hard to believe someone can give someone like me it unconditionally. The past eight years, I’ve lived with the knowledge that I’ll never have that, it just wasn’t in the cards for me, and for this man to tell me I can have it, makes the dam of tears welling behind my eyes want to break free.
