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Yes, I do.
Rainey has been avoiding me for three days and I’m frustrated as fuck. I was planning to talk to her the other night after we finished having sex, but we both crashed almost instantly. By the time I woke up, she was already at work. I have no idea how the hell she managed to not wake me because I’m usually a pretty light sleeper. All I can say is that I must’ve been in a post-coital coma. That’s a real thing, you know. Google it.
Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I should’ve talked to her before the fucking commenced. I should’ve held my ground. Well, you can just fuck the hell off with your admonishments. There’s not a dude alive that would’ve done any differently. At least not a respectable one. IT’S ANAL. If a woman is dangling that tasty carrot in front of your face, you do not turn that shit down. Butt sex is always awesome, because how can you go wrong with a tighter channel, but that night with Rainey was one for the record books. It’s definitely going to be a featured member in the spank bank.
“No, he’s right,” Riley insists. “There’s something going on. You’ve been nursing the same beer for half an hour now and you haven’t glanced at our waitress’s watermelon tits once.” He feels my forehead. “You sick or something?”
“Fuck off,” I mutter.
Thank God we decided to meet for Happy Hour because I’m going to need something stronger for this conversation. I wave our waitress over and order three fingers of whiskey.
Riley narrows his eyes. “Wait a minute...I know this look. This is about a woman, isn’t it?”
“What makes you think that?” I challenge.
“Because you’ve been a miserable sonuvabitch,” Riley replies. “And I’ve been in your shoes, so the signs are pretty easy to recognize.”
“Whatever,” I mumble.
“Holy shit!” Drew shouts. “This is about Rainey, isn’t it? You finally tapped that, didn’t you? How was it?”
I glare at him. It’s not like Drew and I, or Riley and I for that matter, haven’t discussed our exploits in every porny detail before, but I don’t like hearing him talk about Rainey that way. And I’m sure as hell not about to give him the play-by-play. Sadly for me, my silence speaks volumes based on the smirks both of my friends are wearing.
“I knew there was something behind that kiss at the zoo!” Drew says excitedly. “When did this happen? How did this happen?”
At times like these, it sucks when someone knows you so well. I guess there’s no point in trying to bullshit my way out of this. Thankfully, my new drink has arrived.
I down half of the amber liquid in one gulp. “Do you need a refresher course in the birds and the bees, Drucilla?”
Drew flips me off in reply. “Please, fucker. I could teach a Master’s Class in that shit.”
Riley slouches back into the booth and folds his arms over his chest. I really don’t like the way he’s looking at me right now. It’s like he’s trying to do some Jedi mind trick and pluck information out of my brain. “You finally found it, didn’t you?”
“Found what?” Drew asks. Clueless motherfucker.
I nod, answering Riley’s question.
Riley laughs. “Welcome to the club, brother.”
“Welcome to what club?” Drew asks. “What are you assholes keeping from me?”
“The Magic Pussy,” Riley explains. “Rainey’s it for him.”
Drew shakes his head. “The M.P.’s just a myth, man. No pussy is unforgettable.”
“Not true,” Riley says. “I felt it right away with Devyn. The very first time we had sex, I knew I was never going to find someone better.”
Drew plugs his ears. “La-la-la-la-la.”
I snort. “What the hell are you doing, you idiot?”
He makes no attempt to remove his fin
gers from his ears. “I’m preventing myself from being mentally scarred for life. I don’t need to be a part of any conversation that involves my baby sister and sex.”
Riley pulls Drew’s arms down. “Quit making a scene. It’s not like I went into great detail about how snug her p—.”
“Aaaah!” Drew plugs his ears again and starts singing the intro to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
