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Devyn sighs. “I don’t know why you’re torturing yourself like this.”
“Because it’s better to hurt a little now than hurt a helluva lot more later. After everything went down with Adam, I promised myself to never let another man hurt me again.”
“Why are you so convinced that he’ll screw things up? After everything you’ve told me, and everything I’ve seen, that man adores you, Lorraine. It’s been pretty obvious to Drew and me for a long time.”
“Sure...now he does. But what happens when let’s say, a year from now, when my heart has gone past the point of no return, he decides that one woman isn’t good enough?”
“This isn’t some passing fancy for him,” she says. “Did you miss the part where he said he’s been in love with you for years?”
“He’s confusing that with lust.” I give a dismissive wave. “And let’s not forget, he was sleeping with other women the entire time.”
“Because you never gave him any indication that you were interested. You turned down his advances repeatedly. Aaaaaand, you were engaged to Adam for a big chunk of that time. What was he supposed to do? Become a monk?”
“The idiot would probably still be hot wearing one of those ugly brown robes.”
She chuckles. “It’s not too late, honey. Just call him.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, Devyn.”
“Why not?”
Damn it, I can’t hold back my tears anymore. “Because in my short time with him, I’ve been happier than I ever thought possible. I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone, not even Adam and I was going to marry him. There’s so much more to Brody than he lets people see. And I adore every part, Devyn, even when he’s being a complete jackass. If he decided that he didn’t want me one day, I would be devastated—pummeled beyond recognition. I can’t risk it.”
“I really hope you don’t regret this, Lorraine.” She pulls me into a side hug.
“Me, too, Dev.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
BRODY
It’s been two months since Rainey walked away. Two months that I’ve been an insufferable asshole because I can’t stop being angry. I’m angry with Rainey because she wouldn’t take the risk of being with me—hell, because she ever thought I was a risk in the first place, after everything I did to show her how much I worshipped the fucking ground she walked on. I’m angry with myself for not seeing the signs before we ever started fucking around. Maybe if I didn’t know what it was like to be buried deep inside of her, or how it feels to have her delicious curves wrapped around me at night as we slept, I wouldn’t have realized the true depth of my feelings for her. I could’ve gone on forever, wanting her from a distance and antagonizing her every chance I got, just to light that fire in her eyes.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
I would’ve made a move if she hadn’t already beat me to it. Probably not too long after we made that fucking deal that will seemingly haunt me forever. And I know, without a doubt, that she would’ve reciprocated. There’s so much goddamn passion between us that’s impossible to ignore. The worst part of all of this, is the wondering and the what-ifs. Is she as miserable as I am? Or has she already moved on, pretending that I didn’t mean anything to her? What if I hadn’t put so much pressure on her? What if I would’ve played along with her no feelings involved charade until she decided she couldn’t fake it anymore? Almost immediately after she left my apartment, I called the guys and enacted the “No discussing Rainey” rule, unless it’s to give me a heads up that she’ll be with them, so I don’t accidentally show up.
I’m not gonna lie; it’s been hard...and a bit awkward inconveniencing my friends like this, but they’ve been pretty great about the whole thing. I haven’t run into her once since that day. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing.
“Unca’ Drew! Can Brody come with us to the park?”
Drew is spending Sunday afternoon with his nephew to give his sister and Riley some time alone. As pathetic as it is, seeing the two of them interact has been the highlight of my week. This kid’s amusing as hell, and watching Drew trying not to cuss around Nate will never get old. They now have two swear jars—the original that still sits on top of Drew’s fridge, and a new one at Riley and Devyn’s place. Whenever Drew or the kid swear, Drew has to put a dollar in the jar. It’s probably the most basic, yet most effective college savings plan in the world.
“Uh...no, buddy. Brody probably wants to head home before then.”
“No, I don’t,” I say. “I’m down for a trip to the park.”
It’s gotta be better than being left alone to w
allow.
Drew gives me a sympathetic look and nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Uh...actually, man, you probably don’t want to do that. We’re meeting someone there. She’s taking Nate to dinner then bringing him home afterwards.”
“Oh...okay. Maybe some other time.”
Nate tugs on my hand to get my attention. “Aunt Wainey is taking me to Old McDonald’s for Happy Meals! Do you like Happy Meals?”
“Sure, dude. Happy Meals are the best.”
