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I found this spot one week after giving birth to Amelia…to my daughter. Even though she was conceived in the most brutal way, I loved her with all my heart from the moment I knew she existed. I was giving her to a family that could provide a better life because I loved her so much. I couldn’t stop thinking about how different my own life could have been, had my mother done the same.
When Amelia passed away in my arms, I held her tiny red, alien-like body to my chest, and promised her that I would do right by her. She never had a chance to live so I would lay her to rest in the one place that to me, held so much beauty and serenity and…vitality. I held her ashes in the small, biodegradable urn as I walked into the water up to my waist. As a wave came into shore and made its way back out again, I tipped the box over and released her remains into the sea. I remained motionless as she was carried out with the surf, officially becoming one with nature.
I sat on this beach for hours afterward and cried until there was nothing left inside of me. I haven’t cried a single tear over her since…until today. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t seriously consider joining her that day. I almost walked back in so many times that I lost count, but in the end, I couldn’t take my own life. I couldn’t dishonor her memory like that. Still, with the pain being too much to bear, I became a shell of my former self, merely existing in a haze from that point on. I numb myself with liquor and men because coping with reality is too hard. Let’s face it; growing up with my mother and in the system caused me to be in survival mode from early on, but since that day, it’s been on a much greater scale. I gave up caring about what anyone else does or thinks.
My only goal in life is to do what I have to, in order to get out of this place for good. Through a lot of hard work, I’ve managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA, making me eligible for scholarships. College is my one-way ticket out of here so it’s the one thing I do give a shit about. Nothing and no one is going to stand in my way. Not even a sexy, sweet, enigmatic man that I can’t stop thinking about.
I’VE SPENT THE PAST FOUR DAYS pounding the pavement looking for a job. I’ve tried coffee stands, souvenir shops, grocery stores, hell, even a place that sells fudge. With every business I went to, the response was the same: Sorry, we’re not hiring during the off-season. That’s one downfall of living in a beach community; the job possibilities are slim when tourism is low. At least for someone with limited availability.
My senior year begins the day after tomorrow. I’ve enrolled in several AP classes so this year will require more of my time than ever before. My guidance counselor helped me select the best course load for scholarship applicants, but getting into a university is pointless if I don’t have funding to pay for it. None of this would be a problem if I didn’t have to worry about housing expenses when Cybil moves out. I need to find a job that offers a swing shift if I’m going to fully support myself, which unfortunately limits the amount of time I’d have to sleep. My alternatives, going back into the system until graduation, or taking Marcus up on his offer, are not something I want to consider. Lack of sleep is definitely the better choice.
I’m beat as I walk through the front door and more than a little irritated to find that I’m not alone. Marcus, along with another man around his age, and a much younger woman are sitting on the couch.
“Hello, Katherine,” Marcus purrs.
I ignore him and walk to the kitchen to refill my water bottle. It’s a trick that I’ve learned over the years; hydrate well and you don’t feel the hunger pangs nearly as much. As I turn to head into my room I’m surprised to find Marcus right next to me.
“Excuse me,” I say with annoyance.
“What’s the hurry, Katherine?” he asks. “Come join us; I want you to meet some people.”
I roll my eyes. “No, thanks. I’m really tired so I’m just going to hole up in bed for the night.”
His eyes roam over my body. “Feel like having company?”
I gawk at him. “Excuse me?!”
Marcus laughs loudly. “I meant for conversation, Katherine. I feel like we should get to know each other.”
“No, thanks,” I grumble. “Where’s Cybil anyway?”
“She got a call from a client about a half hour ago. She won’t be back for a while.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “A client? She still has those?”
He smirks. “It’s business, Katherine. Trust me when I say your mother is very good at what she does. And she’s paid handsomely for it. What’s more, she enjoys it. Who am I to stop her? It’s how we met after all.”
I hold my hand up, prompting him to stop with the overshare. I jerk my chin to the couple in the living room currently trying to paw each other’s clothes off. “Who are they?”
“That’s a business colleague of mine, Brandon. The lovely lady on his lap is one of my dancers, Amber.”
I quirk a brow. “I thought you said you weren’t in that kind of business, Marcus.”
“Amber is here of her own free will. She and Brandon…date on occasion.”
“Do you think they could move their date away from my couch?”
He ignores my question and leans into me. “Why don’t you come over and socialize for a bit?”
With distaste, I look toward the living room. “No, I’m good. Really.” I look at the clock on the microwave. “In fact, I forgot that I actually have to be somewhere.”
“Really?” he challenges. “I thought you said you were tired.”
“I am,” I reply. “But I made plans to watch crappy reality TV all night with a friend of mine. I’ll probably be too tired to drive home, so I can just crash there.”
“Would this be a male friend?”
I twist the cap off my bottle and take a sip. “I really don’t think that’s any of your business.” I start to walk around him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get going. I’m already late.”
