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“Okay…” I say hesitantly. I don’t like making promises unless I’m sure I can keep them but this seems important to him. “What is it, Gavin?”
He palms my cheeks with both hands and blows out a breath. “Okay, here goes. Kat, I love you. I mean, I’m in love with you.”
I gasp. “Gavin, I”
He holds his hand up. “Please just let me get this out. I know this is still new but I also know this is real. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. I can’t tell you why, but when I’m with you, I feel whole. When you’re not around, your absence is tangible. The best part of my day is when we’re together. I don’t want you to say it back right now, but I know you feel this way too. I have faith that you’ll tell me when you’re ready—I don’t care how long it takes. I just couldn’t go another day without telling you.”
“Gavin”
“Wait…one more thing,” he interrupts. “I’m going home for Spring Break next month. I want you to come with me, Kat. I want you to meet my family. What do you say?”
I take a deep breath as he watches me expectantly. “Am I allowed to talk now?”
He laughs. “Yes, of course.”
“I’d be honored to meet your family.”
“You would?”
I smile. “I would.”
He pulls me into a bear hug. “They’re going to love you as much as I do.”
“I hope so.”
He crouches down to my level. “Hey, none of that. They’ll adore you; I’m sure of it. Have you ever been to San Francisco?”
“No. I’ve never been outside of Oregon or Washington. Will we be flying? I’ve never been on a plane before.”
“Never?”
“Never,” I confirm.
He grins. “Well, hot damn! I get to pop your plane cherry.”
“You’re an idiot,” I tease.
He grabs my face. “And you’re beautiful.” His eyes dance across my face. “I love you, Kat.”
“I—”
My reply is silenced by a kiss so scorching that my toes curl inside my boots. I’m not sure how long we stand there making out but at some point, the storm rolls in, drenching us with rain. I shiver involuntarily but I’m not sure if it’s from the cold or the intensity of the moment. Gavin was right to be concerned. I can’t say I’m not scared, but he makes me want to stick around and see what happens anyway. I couldn’t have put my feelings into words any better than he did. He’s right; I do feel the same. My love for him is soul deep. But I’m not ready to say those three little words and I’m thankful he understands that about me. I’ve only uttered them to one other person I was dating and look how that turned out. I know Gavin would never do anything to harm me, but I promised myself I would be careful saying the L word going forward. I think people throw the phrase around too casually and I’m not going to be one of them. When I’m ready to reciprocate, he’ll know that I mean it. He’ll know without a doubt that I no longer feel fractured, afraid of love’s consequences. He’ll know that I’m ready to put my demons in the past and love with my whole heart. I’m not there yet but with Gavin, I have hope that it will happen soon.
We walk backwards into the yurt and Gavin shuts the door behind us. Needing to feel his skin against mine, I pull the zipper down on his hoodie and push it off his shoulders. His shirt comes next while I’m kicking off my boots. He catches on quickly and removes my top and his shoes. Each article of clothing hits the floor with a wet plop as we undress each other. When we’re finally skin to skin, we tumble toward the full-sized bed against the wall. His lips move down my throat, over my collarbone, to the swell of my breasts. He smells like marshmallows and chocolate and the tiniest hint of wood smoke. We scoot up the mattress together until my head is resting on a fluffy pillow. My thighs part as he settles between them. I nearly lose all cognitive abilities when he starts grinding against me, lightly tracing his finger over my flesh. His feather-soft touch sets all of my nerve endings ablaze. My heart gallops each time he tells me how much he loves me…how beautiful I am…how much he needs me.
When he enters my body, I wonder how I could ever be whole again without him.
Without this.
Everything is right in the world when our bodies become one. I have no past. No pain. No grief. All I have is this moment.
This man.
Our love.
We lay in bed afterwards, the howling wind the only sound in the room. We’ve burrowed under the covers, our limbs intertwined as much as they can be. I’m drowsy and content. Happy.
More at peace with the world than I’ve ever been and I owe it all to him.
