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‘When he arrived here’ Darren continues, ‘he claimed that he was in for punching a taxi driver, which few of us believed. It just didn’t add up,’ he added without further explanation. By now we’ve completed two circuits and I’m none the wiser as to what this is all about. But Darren is enjoying keeping me in suspense.
The unnamed prisoner lasted on C block for only a few days before they torched his cell, and set fire to all his belongings, so he was quickly moved to A block. But he lasted only one night before a delegation of prisoners paid a visit to the principal officer (Mr Tinkler), telling him that if the man was still on the block after the weekend, they could not be responsible for his safety. ‘What is he in for?’ I ask, unable to contain my curiosity. ‘Ah, I see I still have your attention,’ comments Darren, ‘even if I haven’t learnt to curtail your impatience.’ He pauses dramatically. ‘He has committed a crime for which his fellow prisoners would show no mercy.’ Darren covers a few more yards before he adds, ‘He kidnapped and raped a thirteen-year-old girl. So they’ve finally moved him to a prison where he will be safe, because he’ll only be locked up with other nonces.’
6.00 pm
George W. Bush’s first act of war is to sign an order freezing all accounts to which Osama bin Laden has access. It’s being reported on the evening news that Clinton attempted to do the same thing when he was president but couldn’t get Congress to back him.
Nothing worth watching on television, so I return to the works of Shakespeare. Tonight, King Lear. If only the Bard had experienced a few months in prison…
DAY 72 - FRIDAY 28 SEPTEMBER 2001
9.00 am
Gym. It’s my weekly session with the special needs group. I now have my own little class - Alex, Robbie, Les and Paul. We begin on the rower before moving across to the running machine, and this week I ask them all to try sit-ups. A new challenge. Alex and Robbie manage ten, while Les and Paul find it difficult to do more than five. But at leas
t they now have a weekly target.
12 noon
Lunch looks disgusting, so I don’t bother. I have a visit today so I can supplement my diet from the canteen.
2.00 pm
Fortnightly visit. This Friday, my three visitors are my son Will and two of my dearest friends, Chris Beetles and Godfrey Barker. I’ve decided to allocate the first half hour to Will, followed by twenty minutes with Chris, then another twenty with Godfrey and then a final session with all three.
Will starts by telling me about a call he received during the journey to Wayland telling him that the KPMG accountants had just come out of a meeting with the police, and had left them in no doubt that I was never involved with the collecting or distribution of any Simple Truth money donated to the Red Cross. Will goes on to say that he can’t believe I’ll still be at Wayland this time next week.
Will’s next piece of news is that he has a new girlfriend, but as he’s returning to America on Thursday, he can’t be sure if it’s going anywhere. I’m disappointed. I can’t wait to be a grandfather. The rest of Will’s news is domestic, and after thirty minutes, he makes way for Chris.
Chris appears with a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich - quite the finest delicacy I’ve eaten for the past seventy days. I’m still not quite sure how he managed it.
I begin by briefing Chris on Shaun (forgery) and the sketches he’s working on for this diary. As Shaun will be released in three weeks’ time, I’ve asked him to visit Chris at the gallery and present his portfolio. Chris explains that there’s a recognized fee for the reproduction of an artist’s work, but if I want to purchase the originals, he will happily negotiate a fair price.
We go on to discuss Botero. Chris feels that as the great man has such an international following the chance of picking up a cheap original, even if Sergio does know Botero’s mother, seems unlikely. I accept his judgment, but still feel it’s possible Sergio might surprise us. Chris shrugs his shoulders. When he changes the subject to Tottenham Hotspur, I quickly replace him with Godfrey.
Godfrey brings me a second cheese and tomato sandwich, not toasted this time.
Godfrey is a distinguished art critic, academic and a friend of twenty years’ standing. We discuss an important matter concerning Mr Justice Potts and a dinner Godfrey and his wife Ann attended a couple of years ago, when the judge made remarks about me which, if true, I believe should have disqualifed him from presiding over my case. Godfrey needs to check his diaries before he can confirm the exact evening the supper took place, and the reasons why Sir Humphrey made the remarks he did. Godfrey promises to keep Mary informed. Ann Barker serves on the Parole Board, and another member of the Parole Board was also present at the dinner. Thank God for friends who believe in justice.
The final session spent with all three of them is great fun, not least because Will brings me another cheese and tomato sandwich. I didn’t have lunch, and now I needn’t bother with supper. Godfrey tells me that he believes IDS can win the next election. Chris pours scorn on the idea, and is happy to stake a Mars bar on Blair, who he believes has hardly put a foot wrong since September 11th.
‘Let’s see what he looks like in a year’s time,’ counters Godfrey.
I can only wonder where I’ll be in a year’s time…
The call for visitors to leave comes all too soon, and I am painfully reminded how much I enjoy the company of old friends.
When I leave to return to my cell, I am stopped and made to suffer the humiliation of a strip-search. Two junior officers obviously think it will be fun to tell their friends at the pub tonight that they made Lord Archer take all his clothes off. Good heavens, they discover I have a penis just like other inmates. It spoils what had been a better day. However, their pettiness is not typical of the majority of officers at Wayland.
6.00 pm
Jimmy is back from four days of home leave - this is allowed for non-parole prisoners who have served a third of their sentence. Jimmy’s sentence was three and a half years, mine four. Mr Justice Potts understood the difference only too well. Jimmy says he can’t wait to get a good night’s sleep. He’s had sex with two women in the past forty-eight hours; one stupid but sexy, the other an undergraduate who likes telling her friends she’s sleeping with a convict. He can’t decide which of them to commit to when he’s released in three weeks’ time. Darren offers him sage advice: If you can’t choose between them, neither can be right.’
10.00 pm
For the first time since September 11th the lead story on the Ten O’Clock News does not come from the other side of the Atlantic. It still involves terrorists, but this time the report comes from Northern Ireland. I wonder how long the problems of Osama bin Laden will remain paramount, as one can’t help remembering that Saddam Hussein is still on the loose…
I switch off the news, and continue my Shakespearean marathon by turning to Richard II.
