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“I know that.” Now, I was offended.
“Don’t be mad. It’s just that intimacy can be powerful and Will was your first. But you don’t have to settle for his scraps. You’re a beautiful, smart, funny, wonderful woman who deserves so much more than that. There’s a man out there who’ll have all the good things Will does without the bad. A man who’ll appreciate you. A man who’d do anything to keep you and not just let you walk away.”
In my head, I knew what she was saying, but my heart desperately wanted it to be Will. “I wish he could be that man.”
“I know, honey.” She wrapped her arm around me. “I wish he could be that for you too. You’re young and there are so many other men in the sea. I was thinking, maybe when school finishes, we can take a long weekend and go away somewhere. Some girl’s only time.”
“What about Rick?”
“Rick is planning some sort of fishing trip, so he’ll be busy with his crew.”
I wondered if Will was going. Did Will even fish?
“We could take a road trip somewhere? Or we can fly. How about the Bahamas or Cancun? We can lounge on the beach and let cabana boys serve us drinks with umbrellas in them.”
I laughed. “That does sound nice.” Although I was picturing Will in his swimsuit, his blue eyes filled with desire as he served me a drink.
“Then let’s plan it.”
I nodded. We sat in silence for a moment, then I asked, “What is Rick doing tonight?”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s with Will.”
I swallowed as new sadness came over me. No doubt he’d find some other woman to satisfy his needs. Someone skinnier and more experienced.
As if she knew what I was thinking, Angela said, “Rick says he offered to be his wingman on a pickup but Will declined. At least he’s not a total fuckhead.”
“It’s a weeknight. Will wouldn’t do anything that might disrupt Mollie’s week.”
“Honey, all he needs is a willing woman and a bathroom stall at the back of the bar.”
I jerked back. “That’s what they do?”
“I don’t know. The point is, it doesn’t take long to jerk a man off. He could be home before ten.”
Just what I needed – the vision of Will in a bathroom stall while some blonde bombshell with huge tits and a tiny waist sucked him off. He wouldn’t do that, would he? Then I remembered how, except for that one night, he’d never take me to his bed. He never let that part of his life into his home, which meant he had to have his sexual encounters elsewhere.
“I can see you’re driving yourself mad with images of Will and another woman. Knock it off. Instead, think about the man you’ll meet next and what he’ll do to you.”
The problem was, I couldn’t conjure up any other man.
“I’m thinking of getting a cat,” I said.
Angela rolled her eyes. “Honey, you’re only twenty-three. You don’t need to become a crazy cat lady yet.”
“It would be warm and keep me company, and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice my job.”
“There are plenty of men that can keep you warm that won’t make you sacrifice your job. Ellie, just give it time. It will get better I promise. I know it’s hard now because he’s across the hall, but he’s looking to buy a house, right? When he’s gone it will be out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Maybe someone even sexier and emotionally available will move in.”
With my luck, it would be another parent or teacher from my school.
Angela’s brows furrowed. “How is it with Mollie? I didn’t even think about that?”
“Mollie is fine, normal. If I’m honest with myself, it’s another indication of how little I meant to him.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t bad mouth me, which is good, but I don’t think he’s said anything. It’s like he’s shrugged and gone on with his life.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it? You can’t risk your job at this point, and if he was mad or wanting you back, that would make it harder.”
I nodded. “I thought he was upset at first, but maybe it was just surprise I saw.”
“Either way, things are how they should be. In time, you’ll remember him fondly as the man who popped your cherry, but you’ll be married and have kids with a man who loves and appreciates you.”
I nodded again to appease Angela because I didn’t believe what she was saying. Deep in my soul, I was certain I’d never completely get over Will. Maybe I would marry someone else, but Will would always be there, which wouldn’t be fair to my husband. That meant I should just get a cat.
Chapter 18
Will
When I arrived home that night, I wanted to pound on Ellie’s door and ask her about her job and how she felt about me before kicking me to the curb. But two things stopped me. One was that Mollie was fast asleep on my shoulder and I needed to get her to bed. The second was that even if Ellie said she had feelings for me, it wouldn’t change the fact that her job would be on the line. I wanted to think she’d give up her job if she knew I had feelings for her, but that wasn’t rational or fair; I didn’t want to test it in case I was wrong. So, I had to find another way.
