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But those were fantasies, ones that I wasn’t supposed to have now that she was over. I had come to terms that I wasn’t content with us just being about sex, but that was all that she wanted to give.
“Have you eaten today?” she asked, exiting from the narrow hallway that lead to my door and stepping out into the more open part of the floor plan. “It’s important for recovery.”
What? She wanted to know when I ate last? I answered her more out of surprise than anything else. “Yeah, I had some oatmeal.”
“When?”
“I’m not going to sleep with you just because you showed up here in the middle of the night.”
When she looked to me, her face was so many things. Hurt. Guilty. Determined. The mix of it all had my body responding but I beat it back. I wasn’t going to take table scraps from her and be satisfied. I wanted more, and I wouldn’t settle just because I was in love with her.
Oh God. There it was, right out in the open space of my mind.
I loved her, really and truly did, but her being right in front of me just reminded me that she didn’t feel the same in return.
“That’s fine,” she said softly. “I didn’t come here for that.”
I doubted that very much. “Then what did you come here?”
“I…” she looked so uncertain for a moment, the defiant set of her shoulders flagging, but it lasted less than a breath. The next thing I knew she had one of her arms around my waist and was leading me back to my overstuffed, reclining chair. I could have stopped her at any moment. She was an Amazon, mighty and powerful and talented, but I was still stronger and bigger than her. But I didn’t stop her. I let her maneuver me into the chair and set me down.
“I’ll go see what you have in the fridge. Are you thirsty?” She eyed the drink beside me and frowned. “Alcohol isn’t good for healing,” she remarked, grabbing the bottle of bourbon but leaving me the glass.
“What, are you my mom?” I snapped mulishly.
“No. But I am taking care of you for once.”
“Wait, what?”
Her words startled me, and I blinked owlishly at her, trying to figure out if I had fallen asleep and was having some sort of terrible nightmare. But instead of answering my question, she went to my kitchen. I heard her rummage around for a bit before she returned, pushing a glass of ice water into my hand, complete with a straw.
“You have no food besides protein shakes,” she remarked, her tone indicating what she thought of that.
“Yeah, I was going to order groceries today. I was just…” How did I admit to her that I was so hung up on her that the thought that I could never have her had be stuck in a mire of self-pity? That was not attractive.
“Distracted,” she supplied for me instead. “Understood. I’ll order you something. What are you in the mood for?”
I was staring up at her again like she was crazy, but how could I not? “What are you doing?”
“I told you, I’m going to take care of you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t understand why.” What kind of ploy was she getting at? I’d never really thought of Amber as being one for manipulation, so that was off the table. Did she pity me? I didn’t need that. I had chosen to walk away from her. I wanted either all or nothing, and I didn’t need to be patronized for that.
But her face softened, more open than I had seen in years. “You’ve taken care of me so many times. All you do is take care of everyone around you. You need someone to be here for you now, so please, let me do at least that much.”
Oh. Shit. That sounded very real to me. But if it was real… what did it mean? “I wouldn’t say no to some Italian.”
She brightened at that and her smile was so gorgeous I almost choked on the water I sipped. “Alright. I’ll see what’s around. I trust you want your favorite?”
I couldn’t help it as my chest rumbled happily. “You remember my favorite pasta?”
“Mickey, you only pledged your undying love to cannelloni in your graduation speech.”
I chuckled at that, the memory returning to me fondly. “Ah yes, I do remember that. It was a great speech.”
“Your mom wasn’t too pleased about it, if I recall right.”
“Well yeah, but that’s probably because three of my jokes revolved around her being a terrible cook.”
“Well, to be fair, she was.”
“Yeah, she really was.”
We shared a small, quiet laugh, but then Amber was all business again. “I put a couple of sports drinks in your freezer for you to get cool fast. Where is your bathroom? We’re going to take care of that face of yours.”
