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But Amber seemed to think differently, busing herself with rubbing witch hazel gently over it, her touches feather light, yet still sending electricity zinging through me.
The sound of tape drew me out of the contented cloud I had sunk into, and I looked down to see Amber ripping off a few pieces of medical tape with her teeth. Wondering what exactly she was going to do with that, she pulled a thin ice pack off the table beside me and wrapped it in paper towels before taping it right over the worst of the bruise.
“You know heat is bad for bruises, right?” she asked, her eyes never leaving my torso until she was gently pulling my hoody back down.
“Yeah,” I croaked, so caught up in everything that she was doing. Was this how she felt whenever I took care of her? If was certainly a heady feeling. I could feel myself getting warm and syrupy, a bit drunk off her attention as she tended to all of my wounds.
“Good. No super-hot showers, or baths, or even jacuzzi visits until this is yellow. You can restart the bleeding that way.”
“Huh,” was all I could say.
Finally, she moved to my face, and I didn’t think it was possible, but she grew even more tender. Her fingers glided oh-so-gently over my features, so soft that I could barely feel it. If I wasn’t feeling so boneless and contented, I might have shuttered at the open display of affection.
“It really scared me, watching you get hurt like that,” she whispered, almost as if she was afraid to admit it, before cleaning the split in my eyebrow and dabbing witch hazel all around my swollen cheek. I noticed she left a wide berth around my eye, which I was grateful for, choosing instead to rub some sort of cream gently against the puffiness that cut off the bottom part of my vision on the side I’d been decked.
“Did it?” was all I could say. I felt like I was under some sort of spell, all strung out and drawn up in her and her care.
She nodded. “I know that it’s a necessary part of your job. I know that you’ve probably had way worse. But none of that mattered. Seeing you being harmed, well… I knew I had to come see you. I knew that I needed to make sure that you were okay.”
I thought of her work and imagined how I would feel if she ever got hurt on set. Even though we were on the outs, I knew I would have rushed to find her, to make sure that she was okay. To protect her and give her everything she could possibly need as she healed. “I understand what you mean,” I said, swallowing thickly.
“Do you?” she asked, that telltale sound of relief creeping into her tone again.
“At least that part. Maybe not all of this.”
“All of this?”
I reached out tentatively, as if I was afraid movement would cause her to burst like a bubble and everything would fade away as some sort of insane day-dream. She didn’t move, however, and my hands found her soft, perfect waist to hold onto.
“You being here. Kneeling in front of me right now. Being so sweet to me.”
“You deserve it.”
I shrugged. “That still doesn’t explain it though.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t.”
She fell quiet again as she finished cleaning my face. When she was done with that and placing a little butterfly band aid on my split eyebrow, I thought that might be it, but then she was putting more lotion into her hands and gently massaging my neck and shoulders.
Oh man, a guy could get used to that. I really could.
We sat there in the quiet for a long while, just letting her tend to me however she saw fit. When she eventually stopped and sat back, she looked much more at ease.
“I’ll go get you a new glass of water,” she said, looking towards my already drained one.
But I tightened my grip on her waist, pulling her closer to me. I felt so raw, so open in the moment and I didn’t want to be alone.
“Don’t go,” I said quietly, afraid to admit just how much I wanted her to stay with me.
“Alright,” she said after a deep breath. “Whatever you want. I should put ice on your cheek anyways.”
Whatever I wanted? I wanted her.
The sheer force of it hit me like a semi-truck. I wanted her. Entirely and completely. Maybe it was cruel what she was doing, dangling herself in front of me, what I desired most in the world, but I couldn’t resent her for it. I could only be grateful that, even after everything that had happened, that she was in my house and in front of me.
Gently but firmly, I pulled her into my lap. She went carefully, and I could tell she was trying not to hurt me. But I wanted to tell her that she couldn’t. That I was so high on her attention and relaxed that she could probably stab me, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.
