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“I work for a company dedicated to sexual pleasure. It was research.”
He laughed. “To be honest, you’d probably be sore with anyone, but I suspect more so with me. I’m sorry about that.”
“I’m not.” I wished he would lay down with me, but I had to admit that Sebastian didn’t seem like a man who cuddled. This was probably about as good as I could expect to get in terms of tenderness. And for now, it was enough. He showed concern for me as his hands gently caressed me.
Even so, I began to realize that sex wasn’t the only thing I wanted from him. I wanted to hold him and soothe his soul. I wanted to care for him and love him. I also realized that I’d set myself up for heartache. Sebastian loved his wife and lost her. Like my father, he’d decided that his future didn’t include love and family. He was determined to keep me away, and when it was all said and done, I was sure he’d break my heart.
Chapter 9
Sebastian
I wished I knew what had happened to the strong, in-control man I used to be, because this new guy was totally fucking up my life. Tonight was the ten-year anniversary of Valerie and I starting Sensual Delights, and instead of honoring her and what we accomplished, I was fucking my intern.
Clearly, I’d drunk too much, which had to be why when I saw Niall put his hand on Leah’s ass, I saw red. It’s probably why I’d let my frustration and rage get the best of me, and I’d hurt her. I knew she was a virgin, and I knew my dick was larger than most men’s, but instead of taking care, I’d violated her. I felt sick about that.
And yet, there she lay on my couch, with her large round eyes and sweet smile, appearing to feel perfectly content. There was a part of me that wanted to pull her in my arms and hold her, which scared the shit out of me.
Since Valerie’s death, I had a few rules about sex with women, and one was no cuddling. The other was no kissing. And finally, no overnighters. I wasn’t interested in finding love and ever after, so my time with women simply served for sexual release which eliminated the need for the rest.
But something about Leah made me want to hold and protect her. To soothe and honor her. What the fuck was happening to me?
“Are you okay?” her tone slightly amused.
I wanted to tell her no, that I was totally and completely out of my element, but instead I nodded. “yeah, sure.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You’re thinking of your wife?”
Not wanting to talk about the craziness going on in my head, I rose from the couch and headed to my desk, where I kept my booze. “A little. Want a drink?”
She sat up. “Sure.” She looked around for her dress, and while I didn’t want the intimacy, I certainly didn’t want her to get dressed. She was like the most perfect piece of art, and I craved her body again. This is why I nearly always used toys to get my rocks off now. Getting caught up with another person always confused things.
I picked up my shirt as I moved to her and handed it to her.
“Thanks.” She put it on and fuck, she looked so sexy in it my dick started to swell again. I handed her the drink.
“It’s straight scotch. It’s all I have in here.”
She sipped it. “It’s good.”
I gave a small laugh. My wanton, pixie was a scotch drinker. “You sure you’re okay? I’m sorry I was so rough.”
Her eyes sparkled as she looked over her glass at me. “I loved that I made you so desperate. It’s exactly how I was feeling.”
I stared at her, wondering why she was always so upfront with her feelings. How had she made it this far in life without getting taken advantage of and becoming jaded? Then again, I was probably in my thirties when I finally figured that out. The final lesson was from Valerie, when I’d started hinting at perhaps we could have children.
“We’re not that kind of couple, you know that Seb.” She rolled her eyes as if I’d said the dumbest thing. “Don’t get soft on me. We fuck and we make millions. That’s what we do.” Ten minutes later she was out the door on her way to Las Vegas.
“Still, I shouldn’t have done that,” I said to Leah. “You deserve better than that. Better than me.” I wanted to sound righteous, but I thought I came out sounding like I was fishing for compliments.
“Why would you say that? You’re a good person, Sebastian.”
I sat on the other end of the couch to keep from being too close to her sweet scent and soft skin. “Good people don’t fuck their best friend’s daughters or risk losing their company over a good fuck.”
