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“Life isn’t a fairy tale, Leah.”
“No, but doesn’t have to be lived alone with a fake pussy to get you off either. The reason you don’t buy your own marketing gimmick is because you’ve totally and completely taken love and intimacy out of sex.” She leaned forward and her eyes were defiant and I knew she was about to ask me something that I wouldn’t want to answer. “Did you ever, once, make love to your wife? Or was it all just fucking?”
My body went hot, and I wanted to throw my juice glass across the room. Who did she think she was pushing me about my marriage? “My marriage is none of your goddamn business, Leah. Who are you to judge what I had with my wife?” I stood. “I’ll tell you this, she got my rocks off like no other woman. When she sucked my dick, she could drink it all.”
I stormed out of the kitchen feeling sick to my stomach at what I’d just said. It wasn’t a lie. Valerie always made me orgasm, and she could drink all my cum, something Leah hadn’t done. But if I was honest, Leah had gotten me off every time too, and I found it very erotic to see my cum oozing from her mouth. More than that, I craved Leah in a way I hadn’t desired my wife. I was attracted to Valerie, and enjoyed fucking her, but with Leah, sometimes it felt like I had to be near her or die. There was something fucked up about that.
Leah appeared in the doorway. I saw the pain in her eyes that I’d wanted to inflict, but now felt guilty about. And yet, there was a defiant fire in them as well.
“You’re still full of shit, Sebastian. I don’t believe for a second that you didn’t care your wife slept around. I might not be as good in bed as your wife, but I know for a fact that you’d care if I fucked another man.”
My blood turned to molten lava at the thought. Why the hell was that? Why didn’t I care very much that Valerie fucked other men, and yet just the sight of Niall putting his hand on Leah’s ass had sent me into a fury?
I hated that she was right. I hated that she had some sort of power over me. Worse yet, I hated that even though she was right, and a part of me wanted more than what Valerie and I had, I’d never allow myself to go there.
So, I rose up to my full height and towered over her, showing her she couldn’t get to me. “I guess we’ll test that theory, because this… us fucking… has to stop. You can find Niall or some other dumb fuck to bang you.”
“You’re a coward.”
If she’d slapped me, it wouldn’t have shocked me more that her bravado did.
“And you’re a child.”
She jerked back. “I feel sorry for you, Sebastian.”
I laughed derisively. “I told you, Leah, that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. That you deserve someone better. You’re not going to change me and I’m sick and tired of your judging me and the life I’ve chosen.”
Her eyes soften slightly. “I don’t judge you—”
“The hell you don’t. I may not have had what you think is an ideal marriage with Valerie, but I was happy.” Sort of. “I hope to hell your father’s new girlfriend never pulls this type of shit on him. Jesus, can you imagine if she tried to tell him that his marriage to your mother wasn’t right?”
She stepped back with horror in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Sebastian… I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did.” I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Getting angry would only be proof that she had her claws in me. I had to be indifferent. “I’ve always been upfront with you. I didn’t want this Leah. I still don’t.” That was a lie. “You get off on knowing I’m unable to resist you, but if you had any compassion, you’d either just be willing to be lovers, or leave me alone. Right now, I hope you’ll choose to leave me alone.”
I stared at her, not liking the hurt I saw in her eyes. I wished she’d get mad because it was easier to deal with that. “I’m going to take a shower. Your dress is hanging in the closet. You can see your way out.” Not wanting to feel bad for how I was talking to her, I stormed off, heading straight to the bathroom and locking the door.
When I finally came out, she was gone, and my chest squeezed tight at the emptiness. “Fuck!” Why was she tying me up in knots? I hoped to hell I’d gotten through to her this time, even though the thought of not talking to her or touching her made my chest hurt.
