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He scowled at me. “What are you going to tell him Leah? Just so you know, dad, I’m having a sexual affair with Sebastian. He popped my cherry and fucks me at my internship?”
I hated when he got like this. Turning our time together into something sordid. Yes, I’d agreed to just sex, but that didn’t mean it was dirty or wrong. And of course, he was right. I couldn’t tell my father I’d agreed to a simple sexual affair with his best friend. What I wanted to tell my father was that I was having a relationship with Sebastian, but that’s not what this was. At least to Sebastian, this was just sex.
“Why do you have to be so vulgar about this, Sebastian?”
“That’s how he’ll see it. That’s how everyone will see it which is why no one can know.”
There were times I wondered if he was ashamed of me and that’s why he didn’t want people to know. “You don’t seem to mind people knowing you hook up with random women.”
His eyes flashed with anger. “Is that how you want people to see you? As another one of my random hook-ups?”
“No.” Maybe I wasn’t random, but clearly, I was just a hook-up. The reminder always hurt. I rubbed the spot over my heart.
He took my arms in his hands. “Leah, I was clear about this at the start.”
I pulled away. “Yes, I know.” I finished adjusting my dress. “I’m having dinner with my father tonight, so I won’t be over later.”
His eyes studied me, I imagined looking for whether I’d keep our secret. I huffed out a breath. “I’m not going to tell him.”
He nodded.
I turned to leave, and was reminded again that all this fantasy thinking that we could be more was just that, a fantasy. While he kissed me occasionally, he didn’t do so when we parted. He rarely held me after sex. I knew why. He clearly had a rule of no intimacy. I was a sadist that I knew that about him and still I put my body and heart out for him.
“Leah.”
I stopped at the door and turned to him.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”
Yes, you could, I thought but didn’t say. Instead I nodded. “I’ll see you Monday.”
His eyes stared intently at me and I wondered if he was going to suggest we get together over the weekend.
I guess he decided I wasn’t in the mood, and instead he nodded. “Have a good weekend.”
Back home, I cleaned up and put on a summer dress and then headed over to my father’s place. I stopped by the kitchen where Lois was making salmon again.
“I’m cooking for three tonight,” she said as I got a glass of wine.
“Oh?” For a moment I wondered if my father had invited Sebastian for dinner.
“I think he’s bringing his lady friend.”
Lady friend? Sebastian had said something about a girlfriend, but my father hadn’t said a word.
“Leah, there you are.” My father entered the kitchen. “Come out and have a drink with me.”
I followed him to the living area where he had a bar. He poured himself a bourbon, and after loosening his tie, looked at me a bit sheepishly.
“Is this where you finally tell me that you’re seeing someone?”
His brows lifted. “How’d you know?”
“It seems everyone, but me knows.”
He looked down for a moment. “I wanted to tell you but wasn’t sure how.”
“Dad, I’ve been urging you to get out and date for a long time. Why would you have trouble telling me you were?”
He downed his drink and poured another. Then he came around the bar and sat on the couch. I took the chair across from him.
“I don’t have a good reason. I guess saying it out loud makes it real. And I suppose I worried that while in theory you were okay with it, maybe in reality you’d feel like it was a betrayal to your mom.”
“Do you think that?”
“Honestly? Sometimes.”
I patted his knee. “Mom would want you to be happy.”
“I know.” He put his hand over mine. “Her name is Karen, and she owns the coffee shop by my office.”
“The salmon lady.” I smiled at him.
He nodded and then tugged on his collar as if he was uncomfortable. “She’s younger than me.”
“Oh?” I quirked a brow.
“By about fifteen years.” That was less than the difference between me and Sebastian, but only by two years.
“Is that a problem?”
He blushed. “It feels a little cliché… older widower taking up with a much younger woman.”
Was that how Sebastian felt? “Are you happy, dad?”
He nodded. “Yes. She makes me feel… well, like I’m fifteen years younger.”
I laughed. “Well, then I can’t wait to meet her.”
The phone rang indicating we were getting a call from the building doorman.
“I guess that’s her,” I said. My father picked up the call and okayed the entrance of his friend Karen. I hoped I liked her for my dad’s sake.
