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“Bella. I want you. I can’t stop wanting you. That’s the truth.”
Her blue eyes turned up to mine, but this time I saw a guarded look in them. Good. She needed to learn that the world was a cruel place, especially for the heart.
“I don’t want to fight it anymore. What hasn’t changed is that I can’t give you what you want or deserve. There won’t be a happily ever after with me.”
She swallowed. “So, what are you saying?”
I was a total fucking asshole. “I’m saying I’d like to be with you, but it won’t lead anywhere.”
Her face was blank, which made me feel worse. Was she offended by my offer of an affair? Was she interested? Did she even understand what I was saying?
She looked down.
“I know this is wrong on so many levels, the first of which is that it’s not fair to you. I know I’m a bastard to even suggest it. I won’t blame you if you say no. I’m not worth it, Bella.”
If she was smart, she’d tell me no and walk out. But how I wanted her to say yes. Even after just having her, all I could think about was wanting to eat her again. Maybe I’d fuck her on my desk again, but this time I’d take her from behind. I was crazy with a lust for her that I couldn’t control.
But right now, I could only watch and wait to see if she was willing to accept my terms. Was she willing to have a no-strings affair, or would she tell me to go to hell.
Bella
The right answer was to refuse him. My mother didn’t raise me to be a mistress, especially to my boss. I may not know what advice she’d give on getting over a man, but I was certain she’d say that I shouldn’t sign up to be a mistress.
But I didn’t say no. It wasn’t because I was still reeling from the two spectacular orgasms that had me considering his proposal. It was just what he said, “I can’t seem to stop wanting you. That is the truth.”
I was an idiot to think those words meant something. After all, he also said he couldn’t give me any more than a no-strings attached affair. And yet, the fact that Mr.-total-emotional-control admitted to wanting me to the point of jealousy over Dylan meant something. Didn’t it? No, it wasn’t love, but there was something there.
Blake wasn’t a man to be vulnerable. And he wasn’t a man to put his needs first. His devotion to his wife and his daughter came first, and then came his work realizing their goals for the company. His needs came last. He’d denied them for so long and there was something about me that made his will crumble. It was flattering, even intoxicating that he couldn’t help his desire for me. And maybe, given time, his physical needs too would lead him to want me to meet his emotional needs.
Or I was deluding myself. In fact, I probably was, which showed just how much I wanted him. Either way, I couldn’t turn him down.
Whether or not his feelings for me would change over time, I couldn’t know. But I did know that he was a man who deserved to indulge in his own needs, and I could give that to him. It was dangerous for me. But he was clear where he stood now. As long as I kept that in mind, I could protect my heart.
Somewhere in heaven, my mother was probably groaning or screaming for me to walk away. But stupid or not, I was as powerless against him as he seemed to be with me.
I must have taken too long with my answer because he stepped back and turned away. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No.” I reached out for his arm, waiting until he turned back to me. “I just needed to think for a moment.”
“Of course, you did. What I asked you for was crazy. Offensive. I’m too old for you.”
I smiled. “It’s not crazy. I’m a willing participant in all this. And you’re not too old. You need to stop saying that.”
“Well how about this: if you say yes, no one can know and I won’t share you with anyone else.”
The fact that no one could know about us was something I already understood. I wouldn’t want people at work to know either, and I knew he wouldn’t want his daughter or his in-laws to know. However, the no-sharing part baffled me. “Sharing?”
“It’s a ridiculous request, but I don’t want to share you.”
“Who would you share me with?”
His brows furrowed and he looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. “Dylan.”
“What? I was a virgin until last weekend, and you think I’m already sleeping with him?”
“Fuck.” He pressed his hand to his forehead. “No. I’m sorry. I can’t seem to do this without offending you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m saying that you want more than I can give you so it would make sense that you would continue to look for a relationship even if you’re spending time with me. But I’m an asshole and don’t want to share you.”
