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Last night, the truth had been staring her in the face. She had doubts about leaving. Until she got her head straight about what she wanted, she could not get on that airplane.
When Chase joined her on the stairs, she set to explaining. “This wasn’t a quick decision. It’s been building over the last week. And this morning, I just knew I couldn’t get on that plane later today.”
Chase studied her. “Is your mentorship gone, or can you still choose to go?”
She exhaled deeply, grateful that he hadn’t laid into her like Brody had done. “Jack—he’s the chef who I’ll be working there with—told me to take the time I needed to make a decision.” She lifted her hand to his face, and her heart squeezed when she brushed her fingers beneath the cut on his lip. “I see Brody came to see you.”
Chase snagged her hand, kissed her palm. “He’s not particularly happy at the moment.”
“I knew he wouldn’t be. Which was exactly why I didn’t tell you what I was planning to do this morning.”
He twined his fingers with hers. “The warning would have been appreciated. I take it you had a good reason for keeping me in the dark?”
She did. A huge reason. “I didn’t want you to try and stop me. I need to make sure I’m making the right choice. And there are a lot of factors that can make that decision messy.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, glancing at her sideways. “Is your decision to stay because of us?”
“Of course, you are a big part of what I love about River Rock,” she admitted, laying it all on the line now. She had nothing to lose anymore. “But there’s also more reasons too.”
His brow arched. “Which are?”
She paused to get this right. For the past week, everything that had been clouding up her mind had suddenly cleared. She drew in a long, deep breath, glancing out at the sunlight hitting the tops of the trees in the distance. “For so long I kept searching for this feeling.” She glanced his way again, staring into the sweet tenderness on his expression. “Almost like I needed to find something that was missing inside of me. Call it a purpose, happiness, whatever. I found that feeling when I’m in the kitchen. And I guess I never thought about why I gravitated to cooking as my passion.”
“I take it you have the answer now.”
She nodded. “It all kinda came to me when I was cooking in the kitchen with Emma before the wedding. Every happy memory I have of my mother is when we spent time in the kitchen together and cooked for our family. They’re my most vivid memories of her. So, of course, it makes sense that I gravitated to cooking as my passion.”
Chase tangled his fingers with hers, staying silent, doing exactly what she needed him to do. Be there for her.
She drew in a long deep breath before continuing. “I realize now that my wanting to go to Vegas was because my mother loved it so much. I always thought there must be something so incredible there for her to have always talked about it. But you know what?”
“What?”
“Vegas was her dream, not mine.” Chase’s expression turned thoughtful, awareness lighting his eyes, and she added, “I saw the excitement on her face all the time whenever she talked about Vegas. She lit up in ways I’d never seen her light up before.” Harper looked down at hi
s strong hand holding hers. “After Mom and Dad died, I think I clung to the idea of Vegas to hold onto my mother. Almost like if I went there, somehow she’d always be with me or I’d be closer to her.” She looked back into the warmth of Chase’s eyes. “Does that make any sense?”
He nodded. “It does.”
How easy it was to get lost in those eyes, but she pressed on, needing to get all this out. “As the days have gone by, it’s as if I’m suddenly aware of all these feelings that I didn’t have before. And I can’t stop asking myself why I want to leave everyone who loves me behind?”
Chase studied her intently. “So, you’re not giving up on your dream?”
“I’d never give up on my dream. I love cooking for others, but I’ve come to see that I want to cook for people I love, not for strangers.” She felt almost empty now, her emotions utterly depleted. “I think I was just so desperate to feel . . . something . . . that I hung on to the thing that my mother loved the most. Maybe to feel like I wasn’t losing her. Maybe in hopes that I would find the happiness I lost when the accident happened.”
Chase’s brows pinched together. He paused, then eventually said, “I think that makes a lot of sense, and you’re right—this is a huge decision, not one to be taken lightly.”
She understood he was not only talking about moving to Vegas. A bomb had exploded in Brody and Chase’s relationship. The only thing that could save anyone now was a clear path forward. “Exactly, this is a major decision. The biggest decision I’ve ever had to make. If I decline the offer Jack has given me, he won’t offer it to me again. I’ve already put him off once.”
Chase stiffened. “He offered you a mentorship before?”
“That’s right. You don’t know that part.” Her mind hurt. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that, but there was no going back now. “Jack offered me the mentorship a month after I got home from Denver. He told me it was an open invitation, which of course you know I didn’t accept right away.”
Chase frowned. “Why didn’t you go?”
“You.”
His brows rose. “Me?”
