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"I know I disappointed you."
He frowned. “Don't read into me, especially considering you're reading me wrong.” He tightened his fingers on her chin. “I'm disappointed with you for not sharing what was mine to hear. Those feelings you experienced revolved around my interaction with you. I deserved to hear your thoughts. Not your friends'."
"It's not so easy for me to admit this to you."
He swiped his finger so delicately over her jaw in a way that fully contradicted his last move. “We're finally getting somewhere.” His mouth arched up ever so slightly. “I told you, Bella, I'm not going to treat you like a princess. I'm not a knight sweeping in to rescue you. You don't need it, and frankly, I'm not made for that."
"I don't want anyone to rescue me."
"Then speak your mind, woman. You're so very strong, but yet you hide away like a skittish cat. Why is that?"
"I don't know.” At his arched eyebrow, she quickly corrected herself. “I don't enjoy looking weak. I've had to fight hard in my life to prove myself, and I guess...I wanted to prove myself stronger than you."
"Thank you for that honesty.” He slid his fingers along her jawline. “And you thought that submitting to me weakened you?"
"I...” She shut her mouth, knowing she had been about to lie, drew in a deep breath, and tried again. “It scared me. I dropped all my guards with you. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't think I'd ever give that control to someone, and I'm not sure if I can give you what you need. So, yeah, that worries me."
"I believe that's for me to decide if you can give me what I need. Not you.” His tight expression warned her not to assume on his behalf. “You don't have to be a perfect submissive, Bella. You need only to be my submissive."
The possessive claim sent sheer joy in a form of a quiver rippling through her. “But then why were you upset at me after?"
"You closed yourself off to me. You think I didn't see it in your face? Feel it in your body when you tensed?” He shook his head, slow and steady. “If you really listened to what I told you instead of hearing what you believed, then you would've understood what upset me.
"It's why the exchange of words is so important in a D/s relationship, because in that moment you'll be exposed, your emotions raw. You need to let me in, so we can work through it together."
His jaw clenched, and he continued, “But your issue with trust is something that cannot be overlooked.” At her parted lips, he raised his hand. “I'm not talking about you using your safe word. That's there for good reason. I want you to use it if you're not comfortable."
Okay, that relieved her some.
"But you won't grow either as a submissive or in trust if you don't believe that I know what you need. You were overwhelmed and panicked. Totally understandable."
He understood; she hadn't expected that.
He gave her a measured look. “I had pushed you enough, which is why I ended the scene. You needed to see that I would listen to your safe word. That's how trust is earned, and I needed to earn that, Bella.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “And you needed to learn that if you use those words, it comes at a consequence, which means you need to use them wisely."
"Oh."
He chuckled softly, leaned in, and kissed her forehead. “Now tell me, when I ignored you before, how did that feel?"
"Horrible."
He backed away, stared at her, and his gaze was tender. “And now you know exactly what I experienced when you did the same to me."
Awareness struck her. Marley had said he punished her, and that must have been what she meant. He'd done exactly what she did to him, so she'd fully understand what he experienced.
"Not pleasant to have someone ignore you like you're not there, is it?"
Odd way of doing a punishment, but it had the desired effect. “I was wrong."
"Indeed.” He smiled in kind. “As to the other matter about how I felt, I was proud of you, in fact. You pushed yourself and submitted like a lovely sub should, which is exactly what I told you and seemingly that you chose to ignore. Thinking otherwise—that's all on you."
"I'm sorry."
Had she really concocted this all in her head? All he wanted was for her not to treat him like the men who'd hurt her before. And she realized in that moment that Kole was the first man who'd ever really seen her...for her. That he didn't want the Bella that she'd become from past experiences; he wanted the real her. More so, she finally understood that he deserved her heart because he'd never mistreat it.
He gave a low chuckle. “Now isn't this nice? And wouldn't this have been so much better if you discussed this after our scene instead of getting yourself worked up in a frenzy?"
At her nod, since she now realized how foolish she'd been, he studied her for a long moment, then said, “Tomorrow night we're going to fix this issue between us so we can move on."
