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The question was so loaded, all she could do was stare at him for a while. “I know what would have happened. We would have gotten married, had some kids, and I’d have my shop, most likely.”
“But do you think we would have been happy?”
She shrugged. “An impossible question.”
“Probably is.” He looked out to the water.
She followed his gaze, thinking over her life. “Actually,” she said, changing her mind. “I think we would have been as happy as we could have been then.” She turned her head, finding those intense eyes on her again. “But…if I’m honest…I think whatever happiness we find now will be better because we had to work for it. I’m definitely stronger than I was back then.”
He considered what she said, then nodded. “Pain and loneliness definitely put things into
perspective. It shows you what you want and what you’re missing.”
“Yeah, it does.”
Comfortable minutes went by as the water sloshed against the rocks.
“Remy.”
She turned her head.
“I’m sorry. Really sorry.”
Pain dripped off his voice. Everything felt different now. The anger that once was there was gone, and without it, she saw Asher’s pain too. She reached out for his hand and tangled her fingers with his. “I know you are. And I’m sorry that your life crumbled so badly that the only thing you could do was run from everyone you cared about.” She knew now that couldn’t have been easy. “But can I ask you something?”
“Always.”
“Why did you leave the FBI and come back?”
He sighed and stared out at the water. “Nothing made sense there. For the first four years, I felt robotic almost. Just doing the shit I needed to do to get through my days. But then something happened.”
“What?”
“I saw your mom in a show.”
She felt her eyes widen with the shock blasting through her. “You did?”
He nodded. “Yeah, she was in town playing this gig at this total dive.”
Remy had never heard anything about this. “She never told me she saw you.”
“Because she didn’t,” he said. “She didn’t know I was there, I stayed at the back.”
More silence. Remy tried to piece together what he was saying but fell short. “Okay, so, you saw my mom and that made you want to come home?”
He finally turned toward her, the moonlight casting a shadow on his cheekbone. “I realized I’d become her, the very thing I once hated.”
Remy blinked. Twice.
Something changed in the air, becoming warmer and thicker, when he placed both of his hands over one of hers. He played with her fingers and went on. “I had always hated your mother for what she’d done to you. How she treated you.”
“You never told me that.”
“Because it wasn’t my place to,” he said after a moment. “Telling you that would have hurt you.” He hesitated, his voice filling with pain Remy understood. “But as I stood at the back of that bar, I saw that I’d hurt you worse than she had. She never made you promises. I did.”
Remy swallowed. Hard.
“After that night, nothing felt right in Washington,” he eventually said into the silence. Remy tried to find words to give back to him, but they didn’t come. He went on when she kept quiet. “I regret not being here when Nana passed away. It kills me that she knew how much I hurt you before she died, and she didn’t get to see me try to fix it.”
