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“Your scars, who caused them?” he asked.
She told him the same story she told Rick. It was the truth, but it was a moment in her life she didn’t like to relive. “I survived. People see them and think I did it to myself. I didn’t. It sucks but it’s how the world works, you know? There’s nothing that could be done. A lot of stuff happens, and we can’t control it.”
“I wish I could give you a better life,” he said.
“I don’t mind the life I’m living. Now I know it’s in no way compared to your life of luxury, but I’m still here, and I’m surviving.” She touched his body. Ink and scars covered him. “We both tell a story with our body.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I can’t believe I’m in bed with you.” She laughed and lifted up, taking one of the blankets and wrapping it around her body.
“Why not?”
“You and my sister. I guess it’s odd. Sometimes I get to think you’re all mine.”
He took hold of her hand, kissing the inside of her wrist. “I am all yours, forever.”
“But if Sarah was still alive, you’d still be with her,” she said. She didn’t know why she was spoiling a perfectly good moment between the two of them. Today, she’d lost her virginity and now she was thinking about how she was second best.
After climbing off the bed, she walked over to the window. One of the floorboards had a hole in it, and she avoided that one.
“Don’t pull away from me,” Landon said.
“It’s kind of hard to do.” She tensed up as he stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. “Don’t,” she said.
“Don’t what, don’t hold you? Don’t try to take the pain away that you’re clearly feeling?”
“I don’t know if I can do this with you. I don’t know if I can allow myself to even be here with you. This is all messed up.” She shook her head but he wouldn’t let her go.
“I’m not going to stop holding you, Tulip.”
“I don’t care. I don’t even know why I brought it up.” She shouldn’t feel anything for this guy. He was supposed to belong to her, but not really her, no, her sister. There was no way it should cause her any kind of pain, and yet, the pressure in her chest increased.
She felt tears in her eyes once again and didn’t cry. This was all messed up.
“I don’t love Sarah,” he said.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I know what my uncle told you and as much as it kills me to say this, he’s right.”
She frowned and turned in his arms. “He’s right. Right about what?”
“About the way I feel about you. I can’t help it. I can’t stop. I don’t want to. This feeling, it was there with Sarah, but it wasn’t this strong. I didn’t feel this pull. I cared about her, and I felt something, but you’re not second best.” He touched her cheek.
“I … I … no, I’m not going to do this.”
“Do you accept me for who I am?” Landon asked.
“Here’s the thing, Landon. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who I am. I’m a twin. I’m someone.” She gritted her teeth. “Do you know … I want them to hurt?”
“Them?”
“Sarah’s parents. I want them to hurt. They got rid of me,” she said. “I didn’t matter to them. You want me to accept you but can you accept me?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yeah, you do. Could you kill them?” she asked. “Could you hurt Sarah’s parents because they hurt me?” Even as she said the words, she didn’t want to take them back. Biting her lip, she felt the tears fall. “I don’t want to cry.”
Landon stepped up toward her and she tilted her head back.
“How can you even look at me right now?”
