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An absolute silence settles over the room at Archer’s question.
Shocked, I have to readjust my grip on the edge of the bed as my knees go weak. Is it over? Have I chosen? A pang hits me right in the chest, and I press my fingers to the spot, trying to massage it away.
Having sex with Ridge felt right. It felt incredible, and not just physically. It was the perfect expression of the feelings growing between us.
But it didn’t feel like some kind of magical “mating” ceremony. And I don’t feel any different about him now than I did before it happened. If we completed the mating and cemented the bond, wouldn’t I know? Wouldn’t I have picked up some kind of special mate feeling? Wouldn’t Ridge know or have mentioned it in those moments after we finished?
“No. It’s not over,” I say quickly, glancing at Ridge with my brow wrinkled. “That didn’t happen. Right?”
Honestly, I’m looking for reassurance that I didn’t miss something important. I try to imagine what it would be like to just be with Ridge, to watch the other three shifters walk out and never return.
The idea sends stark terror flooding through me.
I can’t stand the thought of losing them. Not because I don’t care for Ridge and definitely not because I don’t want him. I do care for him, and God help me, I still want h
im. But I care for them all—even Dare, no matter how much he seems to hate me. I want them all. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m incredibly sated from having sex with Ridge, but I can still imagine leading them to the bed and letting each of them claim me exactly as he did. The thought makes warmth spiral through my core.
Ridge is leaning against the wall, naked and unashamed of it. He shakes his head. “No. I don’t think it was a choosing,” he agrees. “The mate bond isn’t solidified.”
“I didn’t choose Ridge,” I say, my voice gaining a little strength now that he’s backed me up on this. “But I didn’t not choose him either.”
God, I’m so fucking bad at this.
I look around at the other three men, not quite able to read the expressions on their faces. They each wear an odd mixture of pain, anger, and hope, which seems like a vast ocean of emotion to be feeling. Not that my own wild emotions are any easier to handle.
I take a breath and steel myself before I begin to speak. “Since the moment I was dragged into that summit meeting and you each began claiming me, every single person who seems to know what they’re talking about has said my wolf will choose. Everyone has been so certain my wolf would come out, make her choice of mate, and the rest of you would have to give up your claim and leave.”
A ripple seems to go through the men at those words, and I see Ridge’s jaw clench.
“But that hasn’t happened,” I point out, planting my hands on my hips. “My wolf can’t choose because she doesn’t exist. And I don’t know if it’s my witch magic or just something about all of you, but I feel the mate bond the same as you do. The more time I spend with you, the deeper I get. I’m farther away than ever from being able to pick between you. I’m not being pulled toward one of you and away from the others. I’m being pulled in four different damn directions simultaneously and equally.”
All four men are watching me raptly, each looking a little surprised at how vehemently I’m speaking. But now that I’ve gained momentum, there’s no stopping me.
These feelings have been building for days. Weeks, even. I couldn’t stop this tide even if I wanted to.
“Trying to choose between you feels like tearing myself apart,” I say hotly. “And it hurts. If I had to stand here and choose, right here and now, then my choice would be none of you.”
All four faces fall in such identical expressions of devastation. I laugh, though there’s no humor in the sound. Tears prick my eyes and clog my throat, and it takes me a moment to clear it away before I can speak again.
“See how you feel at the thought of me walking away? I feel the same. It would be easier to tear myself away from all of you, or to rip my heart out and stomp on it, than it would be to feed one part of my soul and starve the other parts.”
The truth of it all aches in my chest. Now that I’ve opened the floodgates, I can’t stop the deluge. Tears spill over my cheeks, and all my pent up anger manifests as raw emotion. “This has been growing inside me for a while now. My heart knows what it wants, and it’s not just one of you. It’s all of you.”
My knees feel wobbly as I finish my speech. I can’t hold myself on my feet any longer, so I sink to the edge of the bed. The backs of my knees hit the mattress, and I plop down onto the blankets, slouching over as if the words I just spoke took all the energy out of me. It feels like they did.
A stunned silence falls over the room.
I press my lips together as I wait for their response, blood rushing in my ears as my heart gallops hard and fast.
So many times, I’ve heard that it isn’t normal for multiple males to mate with one female. I’m afraid they’re all going to laugh me out of the room, or even worse, relinquish their claim and laugh their way home. What I’m suggesting goes against their culture and traditions. One woman with multiple mates.
But then, as if by unspoken agreement, all four men converge on me.
Archer is the first across the room, moving with the same preternatural quickness Dare used to get to Ridge. He offers me a hand, which I accept, and then he tugs me gently to my feet. Before my wobbly knees can send me careening onto the hardwood, Archer wraps his arms around me with a heavy sigh. Trystan sidles up right behind him, where he cups my face and meets my eyes with a wry smile, while Ridge strides around the bed to join us. And then… even Dare is beside me, his body pressed up against me.
As if he does still care about me. Like he does still want me.
I close my eyes and lean into their embraces as new tears burn my eyes.
