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“I don’t know. I just sort of feel my way through it. I do one movement and see where that puts me, and then do another. When I’m first choreographing, I just let myself try whatever I want. Go wherever my emotions take me.”
He chewed on his lip, considering that. “It’s cool. It’s like language, almost. Like, I could swear you’re speaking, but you’re not. You’re just dancing.”
A small smile tugged at my lips. “That’s how it should be.”
He fell into silence again after that—he seemed like he was still trying to keep his promise that I’d barely even know he was here—but I felt him watching me as I resumed dancing, and for a little while, even though only music filled the room, it felt like I talked and he listened.
The last few classes of the day seemed to drag as I got more and more antsy to get to the hospital. It didn’t feel as urgent as it had the day before, but I wouldn’t be able to relax until I saw Philip for myself. “Better” could mean so many things, and part of me worried that Doctor Garrett was just trying to make sure I didn’t panic.
But when I got out of my last class, I didn’t have to wait. Finn was standing just outside the doors to Craydon Hall, and he started moving almost as soon as he saw me. We crossed the quad toward the parking lot quickly, and he held my door for me before sliding in behind the wheel.
When we pulled up outside Roseland Medical, I gripped the door handle, then hesitated. “Do you want to… come in?”
“Only if you want me to.” Finn shook his head, his light brown eyes serious.
Fuck. I don’t know. Why did I ask?
He must’ve seen the flare of panic and indecision on my face, because his dimple appeared on one side as he grinned. “Tell you what. How about I come up and wait in the hall? I’ve got some stupid studying to catch up on, so I can kill time out there. Then if you want me, you’ll know where to find me.”
I blinked, a little overwhelmed by the lengths he was willing to go to to make sure this all happened on my terms. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
“You got it, Legs.”
His grin spread into a full smile, and he pulled ahead into the long-term parking lot, then escorted me into the building. I checked in at the front desk, and he rode the elevator up to the fifth floor with me. As we neared room 508, he pointed down the hall to a small lounge area.
“I’ll chill out there. Good luck.”
I watched him stride away. He’d ditched his jacket in the car, but he was still wearing the rest of his Oak Park uniform, and he rolled the sleeves up his forearms as he walked. He hadn’t even changed before driving me here.
Philip’s door was closed, so I knocked softly before poking my head inside. My grandfather was lying in bed with his eyes closed just like he had been the previous night, and for a moment, panic flared. Maybe he really wasn’t any better.
“He’s sleeping. Be quiet.”
Jacqueline’s soft, low voice from the corner was almost a relief. At least it meant Philip really had been awake earlier. And he probably needed lots of rest to recover.
“Yeah, okay.” I shot her an annoyed look, then stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind me. The chair I had used before had been moved back a little, so I dragged it closer to the bed again and sat down.
“How is he?” I asked.
“Better.” Jacqueline gazed at Philip while she spoke, just like I had. It was easier to converse when we didn’t have to look at each other.
We sat in silence for a while, and I was starting to seriously wish my grandpa would wake up just to break the tension in the room when Jacqueline asked softly, “Why did you come back?”
The question surprised me so much that I almost turned to stare at her, but with effort, I kept my focus on Philip. It was so similar to the question Mason had asked me after he carried me back to my dorm room that day, both in word and tone. As if I’d done something monumentally stupid by stepping foot in Roseland again.
But I gave her the same answer I’d given him, and if anything, I meant it more the second time I said it. “Because you don’t get to run my life. You don’t get to ruin it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her head jerk slightly. Her voice was almost ashamed when she said, “I was just trying to keep you from ruining ours.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think we must have a very different definition of the word ‘ruin’ then.” Straightening in my chair, I turned to face her. “Things were shitty with my mom before she left. I get that. And I wasn’t there, so I’m trying really hard not to judge either of you on things I don’t understand. But I don’t deserve to be judged for the sins of my parents, whatever they might be. I should be judged as my own person. And as my own person, yeah, I fucked up. But I don’t think anything I did was bad enough to deserve what you did.”
Her expression had hardened as I spoke, and for a second, I worried she’d cross the room and try to slap me again. I really didn’t want Philip to wake up and find his wife and granddaughter in a fist fight, but my body tensed anyway, ready to defend myself if need be.
But Jacqueline didn’t move. She just stared at me. “I never blamed you for what your mother did.”
I snorted. “Yes, you did. Or at least, you assumed I’d be just like her. You were waiting for me to fuck up from the day I got to your house.”
