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“Living isn’t good for me.”
She made a face at me. “That because you’re living wrong.”
“Really? And what makes you an expert at living—”
“I’ve stepped outside.” She sat in front of me and placed a water bottle on the tray. “You don’t get to be an asshole because you’re in pain. Everyone has been or is in some pain—”
“Not like this. You have no idea—”
“My mother tried to kill me when I five,” she blurted out and I froze as she reached onto my plate and stole a piece of toast from me. “I don’t remember it much, I’ve blocked it out. I just remember her telling me it was bath time, and when I got in she held me under the water.”
“I…” I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
She nodded slowly as she chewed then swallowed. “You know how…well you probably don’t know, but the children of big time Hollywood people…some of them don’t really do well when they grow up. Some say it’s the pressure, others say it was all the money and no supervision. Drugs, drinking, partying…one day when she was seventeen she was raped. She didn’t know by whom or how many. My grandfather was heartbroken and devoted his time to try and help her. He tried to find the men but never did, and when she found out about me she wanted an abortion. She asked for money for the procedure but instead she used it to get high. She used me to get money out of my grandfather before I was even born.”
She inhaled deeply and relaxed again. “I think she thought she could always just get rid of me but waited too long. When she gave birth she left me on top of my Grandpa’s old Mercedes…right on top of the snow. My Grandfather named me Esther—the brightest star he’d ever seen—and relocated to New York, becoming my mom, my dad, and my grandfather.
“When I was five, my mother returned, she was clean, she really, really tried to love me, but she couldn’t heal, she resented me and she tried to kill me. My grandpa kicked her out and I haven’t seen her since. But I love her. I forgive her. And I hope she’s alright wherever she is…because I understand that my pain should not blind me from other people’s pain. You’re in pain, Malachi, but you aren’t the only person on this planet suffering. No matter how many times it’s happened, you don’t get to say that no one hurts like you. That isn’t fair. Anyway, I’ll wait downstairs for you to get ready.”
Reaching to take another piece of my toast I grabbed her arm. “If our pain is equal why should I have to give up my food?”
She pouted and I pouted back mocking her which caused her to laugh. “Fine, keep the toast. Tomorrow I’m getting double though.”
“Tomorrow?” I looked up at her.
She stretched her back out and nodded. “Did you finish the book?”
“Has anyone told you that you’re…” I paused.
“Oh….” She grinned and pointed at me. “You were going to call me annoying but you remembered my past and stopped yourself, right? Ah! So you do have a heart!”
Rising I took off my sweat pants. “Are you going to stay and watch too?”
She waved me off. “I’m going, I’m going. Not that you’d have any effect on me anyway.”
“Excuse me?”
“I like my men a little more…fit…and, you know, not currently in a perpetual epic love saga with some other mystery woman.
“She isn’t a mystery. She’s your co-worker,” I said as I walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
“No bloody way! Who is it, Malachi?”
“Sorry I can’t hear you, a dictatorial woman is commanding that I eat, shave and shower.”
“Don’t forget to go for a walk.”
“Go away, Esther!” I hollered at the door rolling my eyes even though she couldn’t see me.
“If you think I’m letting this go you don’t know me!” she yelled back.
I didn’t know her. Though her personality reminded me of Alfred.
“Give, keep giving, be dedicated even when you don’t have to,” I muttered to myself as I examined the brand new razor and toothbrush she’d bought and placed out on top of a brand new, deep green towel set.
Both of them were…the only two people in my contact list. They were the only two who knew my secret…our secret.
ESTHER
