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“Time of death, 8:43 PM,” he whispered.
Toby collapsed at the side of her bed, sobbing on top of her body.
My chest felt like it was on fire. I felt like I had stripped this man of everything he had left. Because I wasn’t good enough, I had cost him his daughter. Exiting the room, I didn’t stop for anyone, just walking, maybe running—I couldn’t tell what my body was doing any more. Everything passed in a blur until I found myself outside, breathing heavily under the pouring rain.
I failed. God. Why I did I fail? “Ahh!” I screamed up into the rain.
“Eli!” Guinevere ran closer to me, her hand overhead, as if that would stop the downpour. “Eli, what is it? What’s wrong?”
For some reason, I tried to smile for her, but I couldn’t. “Me. I’m what’s wrong. You should go home alone today—”
“Eli, talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk! I’m tired of talking. All I do is talk all damn day!” I yelled. Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair. “Please don’t wait or look for me.”
Walking back into the hospital, I tried to ignore how bad my head and chest hurt.
Chapter Nineteen
The Oath We Make
Guinevere
“How long will he be like this?” I asked Dr. Seo, watching as Eli stitched up an old woman’s arm in the ER. For the last 96 hours, I wasn’t even sure if had really eaten anything. He was basically living at the hospital and, from the looks of the hair growing on his chin, he hadn’t thought to bring a razor.
Dr. Seo bit into his apple, leaning against the wall. His pink hair was now back to black and in a half ponytail. “It depends. If you haven’t noticed, Eli doesn’t handle death well. He thinks just because he’s a doctor, he can save everyone if he’s just a little better. When he and I were interns, we lost an older man. He came in with his son after they had been in a car accident. His son appeared more hurt, so Eli focused on him, not realizing the boy's father was bleeding internally. It wasn’t his fault; his son really was hurt. After the man died, Eli barely ate or even left the hospital for a month. He only slept because his mother threatened and swore she would bar him from the hospital. So he made a makeshift bed in the on-call room. No one else dared sleep in it, either.”
“What can I do for him?” He looked like a ghost…worse than he had after Hannah.
“Wait for him to move on again? For as long as I’ve known him, nothing else works. Some big save snaps him out of it, but who knows how long he’s going to be like this. It’s weird when he doesn’t insult me back.” He pouted.
I snickered. “You are a sucker for pain, aren’t you, Ian?”
He winked, then got a page. “I have to go. I’ll see you later. Don’t stress too much about it, all right?”
Easier said than done.
Nodding, I waved, glancing back to Eli, who was on to the next patient, changing his gloves as he rolled over.
He nodded and smiled at the patient, but even then,
he still looked dead.
I wanted to grab the sides of his face and scream at him, wake him up. But, did I really have the right to? I thought of Molly and Toby…I wondered if him getting over it would be right.
Turning back, I left him and headed to the mural wall. I was finally done with it and was supposed to reveal it that day, but I felt like there was a dark aura around the hospital. I wanted to wait until everyone was in a better mood.
“Gwen!”
“Stevie?” I said when she came close, dressed in a white and black polka dot dress, pink coat, and sunhat. “Nice outfit.”
“Oh, don’t start with me.” She took my arm, locking it under hers and heading toward the curtain. “I came to see your masterpiece. Are you giving a speech?”
“I hate public speaking.”
“You keep saying that, but you’ve always been good at it,” she replied, taking a seat in front of it. “And what’s wrong with the outfit? Is it the hat?”
I laughed when she took it off and strands of her red hair stood up. Brushing it down for her, I shook my head. “No, you look fine. Eli told me, as a rich person, I can no longer be prejudiced against the rich.”
