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“They don’t make them any tougher than those from the Burren,” I said at the same time he did, wiping my face on the corner of my shirt. When I looked up the old lady just stared at me and so I stared back, unsure, not wanting to believe any of this.
“How do I know you didn’t make him say this?”
She shrugged. “We could’ve…but why would he tell you some secret place to pick up the money we paid him and not use a code to tell you he was being forced?”
“This is some sort of trick.”
“This is the truth and because you’ve convinced yourself we are the enemy for so long your brain can’t accept it…but, Ivy, did your father ever once directly tell you in private that the Callahans were to blame?”
I immediately wanted to say yes but nothing came to mind. Nothing. All the times in which he’d spoken out against the Callahans in public he’d never said anything when we were at home.
“I guess not. Fine, did he ever let you around your uncle or your cousins?”
Again I wanted to say yes, but my voice would not let me. As if I were dying, my whole life flashed in front of my eyes. How he’d always cut in when Uncle Keegan was talking to me. Or told me to study when my cousins came over. How he always just wrote it off as “guy stuff,” which pissed me off more. I thought he was trying to protect me from knowing against the Callahans not…
“No.” I shook my head. “No,” I repeated again, and she honestly looked worried. Not pitying me.
“Seven years ago, you came to Chicago with your stepsister, looking for evidence your father was murdered.” She didn’t need to ask because somehow, a photo of me and Rory caught at a tollbooth appeared on the screen. “You look surprised. Why? You went to almost every corner shop, mechanic and barber, you didn’t think we’d hear back?”
“I did,” I whispered, staring at photos of me that just appeared on the screen. It sent chills down my spine. They could do this. They could spy me on the streets. “I knew you’d hear and I figured—”
“To fearlessly ask directly…a last-ditch effort, which didn’t work.” She didn’t have to remind me. Those days would haunt me for the rest of my life. “You then went back to a bar where you drank your pain, drove drunk, and hit a young girl, paralyzing her from the waist down. You lost your scholarship at Boston U, your family went into debt trying to get you out, your fiancé left you, all because you wanted revenge so badly.”
My throat burned, my jaw clenched. Inhaling deeply, I nodded, owning up to it. “Yes. Yes, to all of it. I’m sure you have a full transcript of it and could ask the judge personally. I did something wrong and I’m owning up to it. And it isn’t I wanted revenge. It’s want. Present tense.”
Finished with her tea, she put the cup down. “You’re owning up to someone else’s crime.”
I froze at that. She didn’t reply. I glanced down at the screen again. On the corner of Bank and 5th, I saw the black Mustang rush down the dark road, just as Sarah Foster, I’d never forget her name, crossed the street, listening to her music and reading.
“Ah…” I gasped when I hit her. Her body went up on the dashboard and then rolled off, hitting the ground. I wanted to close my eyes but couldn’t, waiting to see myself. However, it wasn’t my blond hair…it was red. It was Rory. She came out of the car frantic, rushing to the girl, then looked around…in horror I watched as she pulled my blacked-out self from the passenger seat and into the front, closing the door before getting into my spot.
“How is that ownership feeling now?” She gutted what was left of me. “Your family isn’t in debt, by the way. The lawyer was a family friend of theirs and they barely paid him anything. Your former fiancé is now married to your stepsister.”
“What?”
She stared at me and then just snickered, shaking her head. “I apologize. I figured they told you, but I forgot your family doesn’t seem to understand the definition of family. From start to end you were set up and abandoned. Your cousins are even using you, saying that the Callahans had you locked up for asking questions…your sense of duty didn’t seem to come to play there…but hey, none of us are perfect.”
I sat in silence as she rose to her feet.
“That’s enough for the day. I’ll come back tomorrow.”
Frozen, the tears I held back for seven years, for seven long painful years, poured out of my eyes to the point that they burned. With each passing moment, I hurt more and more to the point that I wanted to…I wanted to die. I think I was dying…
I didn’t even realize they were walking me back, until I walked by the phone rooms.
“My phone call,” I whispered, brushing the tears off my face with my cuffed hands. “I haven’t taken one in months. I need to make a call.”
I looked at Jimmy.
He nodded for them to take me.
I wanted to run. But I waited patiently, as patiently as I could as they opened the doors, gave me the card, and sat me behind the table. I wiped my nose with my hands before pushing the buttons…praying they wouldn’t insult me by not answering.
“Ivy?” Rory’s voice came over the line.
“Hey...” I tried to say cheerfully, but my throat was dry.
“You have amazing timing! We’re having a get-together. The whole family is here. Do you want to say hi?”
