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Henriksen was out of the picture.
He took out the bottle and a single glass. The arms deal had been thwarted. He poured a double shot, not bothering with ice.
The guns were confiscated.
He picked up the glass and held it to his lips, unable to take a single sip.
Ruby was dead because of him, because he’d blackmailed her to save Elskov and it had worked. Beautifully.
All the color faded from his surroundings. The last to go was the gray of Ruby’s eyes, leaving only pristine and orderly lines of black and white that never crossed and never mixed and never made him whole.
Today was a success.
He flung the glass across the room. It shattered against the wall, sending shards of glass flying everywhere. Lifting the bottle to his lips, he took a swig and relished the burn as he watched the splattered liquid drip down the wall as useless for getting drunk as he was for keeping Ruby safe.
Chapter Fifteen
Three days later, Lucas poured himself a glass of akvavit and waited for the Elskov State Seal on the video screen in his office to fade away and reveal the queen. It was his last official duty as head of the Silver Knights. After she accepted his resignation, he’d be free to pass the security codes on to Clausen and walk away from Moad Manor, from the Silver Knights, from Elskov.
The screen went black for half a second before the king appeared with the queen by his side.
“Your Majesties,” Lucas said, bowing his head in deference for the absolute minimum amount of time before looking up and taking another drink.
The alcohol’s burn did nothing to minimize the pain of seeing them together—the queen with her pregnancy glow and the king standing beside her, always at her side and so obviously in love that Lucas barely recognized the hard, uncompromising Dominick Rasmussen he’d worked with for eight years. He’d never resented their happiness before, but now it was gravel in an open wound.
“Your resignation is not accepted,” the queen said, annoyance and worry evident in her tone.
As if anything could stop him. “I’m going anyway.”
“Is it because of the asset?” the king asked, ignoring th shocked gasp of his queen. “What was her name? Renee? Rosie? Rita?”
“You know damn well it’s Ruby Macintosh.” It was the first time since Fare Island that he’d said her name out loud and it cost him, chipping away at the akvavit ice he’d encased himself in.
“That’s the one,” the king said, continuing despite the wide-eyed, shut-up-you-idiot look from the queen. “Nasty business her ending up dead. Casualties can happen in any operation, that’s not a reason to quit. She was, after all, just an asset.”
Because he’d drunk enough to be flammable, the explosion shouldn’t have shocked Lucas, but it did. The heat seared him from the inside out. The anger sent his heart rate into overdrive. The self-hatred and blame battered against his bones.
“She was not just an asset!” The words tore from him half howl, half roar.
“Exactly, and it’s about time you admitted it,” the king replied, his blasé attitude replaced with genuine sympathy, no doubt he thought jabbing a finger into Lucas’s open wound was necessary to prove a point. “And that’s why you submitted your resignation. It has nothing to do with how you did your job and everything to do with the loss you suffered for us.”
“My reasons for resigning are clearly stated in my letter.” With more care than he’d used to protect the woman he’d loved, Lucas set his tumbler of akvavit down on the desk that wouldn’t be his for much longer. “I disregarded my orders. I chose Ruby over Elskov, Henriksen nearly got away with the guns.”
The empathy in the queen’s eyes nearly undid him. “But he didn’t.”
No he hadn’t. Something just as bad had happened.
“After that, I followed my orders and left her behind so she could be killed.” He hadn’t pulled the trigger, but he may as well have. He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t know what he would do. He didn’t know how he’d ever be able to go on without her. But he knew one thing as sure as he knew he’d fucked up beyond redemption. “I can’t blindly follow orders anymore.”
“Whoever said we wanted you to?” the king asked, frustration booming in each word.
Lucas snapped to attention. “It’s the soldier’s way.”
“You’re not a soldier anymore. Elskov can’t afford to see things in terms of black and white anymore if it’s going to succeed,” the queen said. “And if the Silver Knights aren’t just a fancy version of gray in a black and white world, then I don’t know who would be.”
The words sounded so much like something Ruby would have said, he reached for the glass to numb himself. “She’s gone.”
“She is and I am so sorry for that, but do you really think she’d want you to give up your family and lose yourself in a bottle?” The queen pointed at the half-empty decanter on the desk.
